As you probably know, to become an internationally best-selling author, you need to sell three books. This is not an easy task, but once you’ve managed to rack up these three sales, the rest is more or less a done deal.
Now, these sales themselves will not put you on the best-seller lists. They wonít even put you within a million spots of the bottom of the lists, but what they will do, and what they do every time, is spark a slowly growing buying frenzy that will get you there.
These three people will love your book, they will tell another five people, who in turn tell another seven. Within roughly four-and-a-half weeks, you finally make your first million.
That ís how it happens. Every single time.
But, how does an author tackle this monumental task? Where does he find these three readers?
I myself was quite lucky. When my first novel appeared on Amazon I already knew over five people! What ís more, some of these people even liked me, somewhat. So I set out to become an internationally best-selling author by convincing at least three of these five people to buy my novel.
I started with my mother. Of all the five people I knew, I probably knew her the longest. I showed her my Amazon page and she nodded approvingly. She did not, however, make any attempts to buy a copy. So I logged on for her, navigated back to my novel’s page, and left the mouse pointer conveniently positioned over the BUY button.
She read the novel description again, searched-inside-this-book, and nodded some more. When I asked her if she’d like to buy a copy, she scrunched up her nose and said;
But what if I don’t like it?
I told her not to worry. It ís a really good book, I said. I should know. I’ve re-written it like 50 times. It ís really funny and interesting.
My mother wasnít convinced. I’m not really into comedy writing, though, she said.
It’s not just a comedy, I pointed out. It has a real story; it’s a mystery. And it has twists and turns and believable characters.
My mother hesitated. Maybe I should just play it safe and buy another Stephen King novel.
I ended up having to offer a personal money-back guarantee, and purchase a copy using my own credit card for the time being, but she finally cracked. I’d made my first sale!
Next, I prodded my wife. Although she did like words in general, she wasn’t sure she was up for reading and entire book full of them. Is this like your usual stuff? she wanted to know.
What usual stuff?
She shrugged. I don’t know. Is it like listening to you talk?
What ís wrong with they way I talk?
Nothing. It’s just, well, sometimes you talk a lot of nonsense.
I waved it away. Don’t worry, I said. I am much more interesting and intelligible on paper.
Long story short; my second sale is almost in the bag. Now I just need to find one more person to buy my novel, and I’ll be set for life!
Graham Parke is responsible for a number of technical publications and has recently patented a self-folding map. He has been described as both a humanitarian and a pathological liar. Convincing evidence to support either allegation has yet to be produced.
You can win a Kindle Fire by buying any of his novels during May 2012:
Just e-mail your receipt to NoHopeForGomez@gmail.com
Unspent Time Launch Party
Get free books and win a Kindle Fire or a Kindle Touch
Warning: reading this novel may make you more attractive and elevate your random luck by about 9.332%*
(* These statements have not been evaluated by any person of consequence!)
Read how to enter below. Excerpt The tentacles hovered in the air for only an instant, then came crashing down again, straight at her. She could only stare at them in fear; there was no time to react. And yet, they missed again. Only by millimeters, but they missed. However, she felt pain all over her body. Her back and head throbbed as if she’d been beaten.Then the tentacles withdrew. They disappeared behind the precipice silently. That’s when Kiala realized she was lying on her back, several meters inland from the jetty.”That was close,” said a breathy voice.Kiala whirled round to find a boy standing behind her. He was tall and slender, handsome in a mysteriously odd kind of way, with pale skin that was close to translucent and eyes that were bright and piercing. As she struggled to get up, she felt the boy’s gaze move right through her. The boy’s eyes were also red-rimmed with deep, dark rings around them.Truth be told, he looked a bit sickly.”Are you alright?” Kiala blurted out.
“Me?” The boy caught his breath. He brushed some imaginary dust and some very real tentacle slime from his cape and said, “I just saved your life. I should be asking you that question.”
“I know,” Kiala said. “And I can’t thank you enough for what you just did, but, well.” She gave him a sympathetic smile. “You look awfully pale, as if you might collapse at any moment. ”
The boy snorted. He made his cape catch an invisible breeze so it wrapped around him dramatically. “Are you kidding me?” He lowered his voice to a menacing whisper. “I’m Waywick III of the flying cannibal clan of the lost city of Vark. I’m a creature of dusk and twilight. I’m an unholy spirit of death!”
“No, you’re not,” Kiala said. She rubbed at her back, where he’d apparently dragged her over some pretty pointy rocks.
“Excuse me?” Waywick gave her a baffled look. “Of course I am!”
Kiala rolled her eyes at him. “Well, you don’t look all that dead and unholy to me. You just look a bit pale, that’s all.”
“I never said I was dead,” Waywick bristled. “I just said I was a flying cannibal and an unholy spirit of death. That doesn’t mean that I am dead.” He shook his head at her. “It just means that I’m very, very dangerous.”
“Sure,” Kiala said. “Again, though, you don’t look all that dangerous.”
Waywick opened his cape wide and puffed out his chest. “Then perhaps you should take a closer look.”
Kiala decided not to, instead she searched for her rod. She’d dropped it during the attacks. It lay wedged between two boulders a few meters away.
“I don’t know,” she told Waywick. “Anyone can look pale, thin, and sickly, that doesn’t automatically mean that they’re dangerous.” She checked the rod for surface damage and was relieved to find it in good condition. “In fact,” she continued, “it usually means exactly the opposite.”
… continued in Unspent Time, nominated for GoodReads Laugh out Loud book of 2012
How to enter:
For the launch of the new novel I decided to discount it to $0.99 for today (PC and eBook), give away some exclusive content, and raffle off two Kindles. All entrants will get:
- An exclusive spin-off novelette (not available for purchase anywhere!)
- Making of Gomez: behind the scenes eBook
- Signature for their paperback or kindle edition
- Chance to win a Kindle Fire or a Kindle Touch
(Prizes can be traded for Amazon gift certificates if you already own them.)
Just email your receipt to email@example.com to enter.
Each purchase counts, so stock up on birthday presents (for people you don’t like that much, for instance) The discount ends today, but be sure to send the receipts no later than June 1st.
Sound bites from Unspent Time:
ìI’m looking into my past lives. I’m convinced some of them still owe me money.î
ìI’m very polite by nature, even the voices in my head let each other finish their sentences.î
ìI didnít actually want to do it,î Kiala told the boy. ìThe universe just kind of conspired to force me to make a fool of myself. It does that quite a lot, actually.î
ìSadly, my socks are like snowflakes, no two are exactly alike.î
Here’s what reviewers had to say:
“A veritable page turner of nonstop laughs!” — Reader Views
“An unputdownable read. a Coens Brothers’ film in book form.” — BookReview.com
ìExtremely witty and clever writing.î — California Chronicle
“A Party for your Brain!” — Warren Baxter
No Hope for Gomez! was voted GoodReads Funniest Read of 2010