Category Archives: up for discussion

Reflecting on 2016 and the books I read

2016 sucked in a lot of ways. I have referenced the above comic so many times I’ve lost count. [Thank you David Sipress for speaking my reality.] War, deaths, devastating and disgusting politics…and that’s just in the public arena. I started the year with a broken wrist and that threw off so many of my normal routines that I never managed to regain, even once healed. (I’m hoping my 2017 New Years resolutions improve this.) Disappointments, existential angst, warbly family finances and employment questions, not to mention colds, flu, strep throat and just life at its low points. 2016 sucked in so many ways.

But you know, those caverns of outrage and disbelief and fear weren’t all there was to it. I mean, they stand out when you think back, sure, and some of it’s carrying over to the new year, but a closer look at 2016 reveals a lot of happy moments too, both public and private. And for me, reading was definitely a shining example of splendiferousness. (Yeah, ok, I just wanted to use that word.)

Admittedly, in a lot of ways I hid in fictitious worlds when the real one became too much for me. But as coping mechanisms go, that’s not a bad one. Right? RIGHT? Even with that caveat, I think 2016 was a success in the reading department.

Maybe not everyone thinks of reading in that way, like it’s quantifiable and loggable and therefore worthy of being considered an accomplishment. But for me it is; reviewing too. I get a lot of joy out of setting reading goals and finishing them, creating To Be Read lists and marking books off it, seeing the stack of read books grow from nothing to overflowing. For me, reading is more than just the physical act of passing pages or the imaginative process of visualizing stories in my mind. For me it’s also about gathering possibilities and creating orderly columns of read and to-read and sometimes never-read. But all of that collating is part of the fun. And in this, 2016 was totally gold star worthy.

To borrow Goodreads’ images, my year looked like this:

Yeah, that’s 364 books, 76, 695 pages! Well past my goal of 300 books, which I’d thought was especially high when I set it; since one of my goals in 2016 was to read as many of my short stories, novelettes and novellas as possible. Decluttering my To-Read shelf, as I think of it. Those numbers give me a feeling of accomplishment and make me happy, even outside of the hours of enjoyment I got from the actual reading. I just like looking at the image, if I’m honest.

Ahh, see, that makes me smile. I’m so easy to please sometimes.

To break the reading year down a little more, it’s been an odd one for me. Like I said, I made a goal to read a lot of shorts because they were making my TBR look much longer than it really is (and it’s plenty long), but also because of the pesky broken wrist. I couldn’t type, so I wanted reads that would only require short, snippy reviews and shorts fit that bill nicely.

This decision to concentrate on shorter works was a departure from the norm for me. I generally consider anything under 100 pages a waste of my time. When done well a short story can blow my mind, but in my experience and suiting my personal tastes, only a slim portion of shorts are done well and those that are not always leave me feeling bereft of the time it took to read them.

So, I knew going in I would spend a lot of time disappointed. And I did. But a surprising number of shorter works rocked my world this year. Nash Summers’ Maps, Alex Gabriel’s Still Waters, B.R. Sanders’ The Other Side Of Town, Amy Rae Durreson’ Emyr’s Smile, Amy Jo Cousins’ The Rain in Spain and Alexis Hall’s In vino all got a rare five star rating from me. I only gave out 20 all year. 20 five stars out of 364 reads and a whole 6 of them were shorts! This was a pleasant surprise for me.

Now, I’ll admit I tend toward a middle bias. When I use star ratings, which I don’t on this blog (because I prefer people concentrate on the content of a review over the numerical ranking), I don’t give out a lot of five stars or a lot of one stars. That makes sense to me. Most things I read I don’t feel strongly about. I neither love nor hate them, so a middle of the road, OK rating fits and it is by far my most common. Here, check this out.

If you discount the no-star books, which could be anything from a DNF (of which I had a few in 2016) to something I felt uncertain of a ranking, that’s not too far off a bell curve. (Yes, I know it isn’t really a bell curve. Thank you, S.) There are more one stars than five, true. But considering I just finished telling you shorts don’t light me up, that’s to be expected. This is about what I like my rating spread to look like. Of course I want to read more stellar books, but if we make a pretend effort toward randomization (I choose books based on what I want to read at the moment) then I like this dispersement. I’m ending the year happy.

Not everyone agrees of course. One commenter on an Amazon review stated,

The Vast majority of this reviewers’ reviews are very negative and nasty. Why bother to review if you hate the books?

(I’m gonna let that question at the end go, because I could write a whole post as an answer.) My point is that even my nice bell-like curve isn’t good enough for some people and reviewers take their knocks too.

In fact, I had a disappointing number of nasty comments on reviews this year. Including one review that seems to get attention almost every 3 months with commenters commenting not on my review anymore, but on my interactions with other commenters. Basically chastising me for having an opinion. One commenter said,

If you are not here to share your opinions freely with other people, and only want to hear from people who agree with yours, you should write them in a PRIVATE diary that only YOU can read. That way, you’ll know for sure that everyone who reads it will agree with you.

This because I didn’t immediately agree with the man who wished to correct me on my opinion rather than have an open discourse on interpretation of a text. (I rather suspect it was the author, if I’m honest.)

So, yes, like the rest of 2016, the reading and reviewing year brought some shocks and disappointments. Both the above quotes are from reviews of books I gave a 3-star review to. But six five-star shorts! I can’t complain about that. Neither can I complain on my own personal reading challenges, which I did several of throughout the year.

My first, as mentioned above, was with Goodreads and that was to read 300 books. I surpassed it. Second, as always, I did an alphabet challenge. I read a book written by an author for every letter of the alphabet. And the third year long one was through the Action Heroine Fan group, in which I committed to reading 20 books with action heroines. I read a lot of paranormal and urban fantasy, many of which had female leads. So, this was no real hardship for me. I finished the year with 40 books matching the challenge’s specifications.

As usual, I also set a number of smaller challenges for myself throughout the year. I did the BloodMoon challenge in May. I read 7 books with that title. I always find it especially amusing to see several books with the same title lined up in my read pile. I completed this one.

I did Alpha and Omega challenges in March, in which I set out to read all the books I had with alpha or omega in the title. I finished the Omega one, but didn’t quite make it through all the alphas. (There were a lot more) And of course I’ve since downloaded more of both. I’m such a sucker for shifters.

I found this experience really interesting because, though I knew many shifter books followed the same tropes, I hadn’t realized that it had been named and was official. I discovered the Omegaverse and was quite pleased with myself.

And then, lastly and maybe most importantly of the challenges, I did a #DiverseRomanceBingo challenge. The goal was to increase the diversity in the books I read. I discovered that unless I’m really paying attention, the characters in the books I read tend to be very white, western, heterosexual, able bodied and cisgendered. Seriously, in August I went through all the books I’d read this year up to that point, and despite thinking of myself as someone ‘woke’ and aware, my reading habits DID NOT SUPPORT THIS view of myself. Good intentions are not enough. Conscious and deliberate action is required.

So the timing of the  Diverse Romance challenge was stellar. I started in September, which is when it came to my attention. I wish I could say I completed the board. But there just wasn’t enough time. Of course, it’s bingo. The goal is to complete a row, which I did. I just would have liked to read a qualifying book for every square.

If I cheated and counted from the beginning of the year I could come close. But even then I couldn’t say I managed a Middle Eastern or Muslim main character. I will try harder next year. But more importantly, I intend to keep the pressure on and remain vigilant of when my characters start to all look the same.

Before moving on to my Best of 2016 (yeah, lets put that hard choice off as long as possible), the last category of books notable enough to pull out of the whole 364 is books I read by request of the author. (Not counting Netgalley ARCs, as I request them.) I read or attempted to read 29 books sent to me by authors. Here is the list:

Ok, I’m committed to ending this post with a list of my best reads of the year. And, oh man, isn’t that tough? When push comes to shove I’d have to choose, in no order, B.R. Sanders’ Ariah, K.J. Charles’ Think of England (or Jackdaw, I can’t decide), Adrienne Wilder’s In the Absence of Light, Chrys Cymri’s The Temptation of Dragons and E.E. Ottoman’s Documenting Light.

I’m pretty sure only one of those (Temptation of Dragons) actually came out in 2016. But I go by when I read them, not when they were published. I can think of several runners up, anything by Santino Hassell, for example. But if I let myself start down that path it might never stop.

I can’t say I’m sad to see 2016 go, but I sure am looking forward to all the wonders 2017 is going to bring (and ignoring all my fear about the state of the world going into the new year). I’ve got more books than I know what to do with and I anticipate time to read, read, read.

 

 

I’m doing NaNoWriMo again.

nanowrimo_2016_webbanner_participant

I forgot to write my customary October 31st “I’m doing NaNoWriMo, so don’t bother me” post for 2016. And of course, I should now be banging away at my 1,667 words for the day, but I’m procrastinating by writing this post instead. Isn’t that how it always goes?

Maybe the delay is for the best though, because it has given me time to realize a mistake on my part. I’ve generally always been a pantster, but I’ve been trying to learn to plot and outline. Of course, I know who to write a flipping outline. I went to school, after all.  But I’ve not really mastered imagining a whole novel in outline form and I think my writing process would be vastly improved and streamlined if this was a skill I could pick up. *sigh* It’s hard, yall.

So, leading up to November 1st, I wrote an outline of events and character descriptions and a breakdown of the world’s magics. I pondered the characters’ motivations and decided what they really want and fear. I picked out my themes and committed myself to ensuring a diverse cast. I felt like I’d done a ton of work. Certainly more than I did when I basically accidentally wrote TWE and undoubtedly anything I write now will be better for it.

As a result, in the past three days I wrote over 17,000 words! Now, I always front load during NaNo, because there are all those initial ideas in my head that I’ve just been waiting for the starting pistol to get down on paper. But 17,000 words rocked. I shocked myself.

Unfortunately, this is where the mistake comes in. 17,000 words brought me to the end of what I’d plotted. Now, of course there is a lot of fleshing out to be done between those scenes, but I thought I had plotted enough scenes to carry me through the writing process, but I’m way, way, WAY short. I mean, it’s a learning experience. I now know I need to be more meticulous in how deeply I plot. But it’s disappointing too.

On the up side, I have 26 days to fix it. And I like my plot this year. I’m writing fantasy—shifters, magic, DRAGONS. Oh my. I think I’ll make it. Hitting the word count has never really been the challenge for me. I could rattle off 50,000 words to the barista in an attempt to order coffee. I’m long winded on my most concise days. But I want more than a Nano ‘win.’ I want a finished piece of work and that is where I struggle.

By means of encouragement and accountability (which is a large part of why I always write a blog post when I do Nano) I am allowing myself to buy a Kindle Fire when I submit my word count at the end of the month. I have a Kindle e-reader that I love, but having a tablet would give me access to some things my Voyage doesn’t, like Hoopla through my local library. A reward is something I always give myself after NaNo and I see no reason to change that now. (You know, other than being broke, but I’m ignoring that. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. See how that works?)

So, here’s to all you crazy, crazy kids out there trying to write a novel in a month. I’m right there with you.

You should be writing

I think the universe is trying to tell me something.

the-universe-is-always-speaking-to-us

This may be a tad rambling as I bring all the components together, but bear with me. You probably don’t know, as I’ve never had cause to mention it, but I have Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, which is basically an autoimmune version of hypothyroidism. Majorly simplified, my immune system has a tendency to attack my thyroid, impairing it’s ability to produce thyroid hormone, causing a deficit. I’ve had it for years and years, take a small does of artificial thyroid hormone and all is well with the world. Usually.

The thyroid controls metabolism, among other things, so when my hormones get out of whack I can usually tell because I turn into a sloth, gain weight, am cold al the time, itch (OMG the itching!), etc. And my case has always been relatively mild, but does seem to need more attention as I age.

So, seemingly unrelated, about two years ago I was feeling down and have a number of irritating, but not life altering symptoms. I self-diagnosed myself from the internet as having an over-growth of candida in my gut. The thing is that the solution to this is a very strick and very healthy diet. So, I figured if I was wrong the worst case scenerio was that I ate really well for a couple months. What did I have to lose, right?

Thus, I went on the Candida Diet. That’s diet as a noun, not a verb. In other words, I was seeking to improve the foods I ate, not go on a diet. If that makes sense. It’s semantics, yes, but it is a distinction I feel important to make because I’m also modeling for my daughters. I don’t want them to see their mother dieting all the time, but rather eating a healthy diet.

I went cold turkey on everything. In one day I gave up alcohol, caffeine, dairy, gluten, grains, sugar, anything my body might convert to sugar and all processed foods! I basically lived on kale, chicken and almond butter. Be thankful you didn’t know me during this time. I was not pleasant. (I love you family for putting up with me.)

Just like I’d been warned, about two weeks in I crashed hard. I mean like I found myself having to lay on the floor in the shower hard. I got sick. But I’d been warned, so I didn’t worry too much. Just stuck it out. This is apparently the result of something called die-off, in which the candida dies in mass and, in doing so, releases toxins into the body. I imagine my blood sugar was also doing some major readjusting too.

But when that cleared up I felt amazing. A lot of my background aches and pains went away. I had more energy. I lost 30 pounds, totally without trying. I got in shape, because I had the energy to get to the gym. My sex life improved, as I had more of a libido, more energy and endurance for it and was simply stronger. (Should I be embarrassed to admit that? I don’t know.) My brain fog, that I hadn’t even noticed until it was gone, cleared up. My hair and skin tones improved. My nails grew stronger. (I’m a nail biter, so this is a big deal for me.) Really, I was in awe. Suddenly that restrictive diet totally felt worth it. And honestly, after the cravings (which were hell at first) cleared it wasn’t that hard to stick to under normal circumstance.

But like all good things it unfortunately came to an end. For me that came in the form of Summer guests and all the inevitable going out that comes with vacationers. We went out to eat, for ice cream, to bakeries, etc and little by little I fell off my wagon. And despite my best efforts, I have not yet been able to get past those very difficult first weeks to establish the eating routine I need in order to feel as good as I did. This despite knowing how great it is. Man, it’s amazing how the body can trick you into compromising itself.

So, I’ve felt guilty about this. I’ve felt physically crappy. I’ve gained weight. I’ve chastised myself again and again for not being mentally stronger, which is hell on my self-esteem. My energy levels are bottoming out. I’m barely making it to yoga and only going to Tae Kwon Do because I do it with my children, so I have to. Simultaneously, my husband, who is an amazing support is also a terrible food shamer*, now that he knows what a difference it makes. He’s perfectly willing to do all my prep work to make the diet possible, but if I don’t eat right he’s also willing to snub me for it. (I have very torn feels about it. I once threw a brownie at him.)

So, this is where I have been for several months now. It’s not a great place. On top of that I keep putting off getting my thyroid levels checked. Because, you know, I have so little gumption to do anything. This is a maintenance thing. A couple times a year I should get them checked to ensure I’m still on the right does of Armour, which is the type of artificial hormone I’m on. But also, I can kind of just feel my levels aren’t right.

The Thyroid ConnectionCut to a couple weeks ago, and what do I win from Goodreads? Amy Myer’s The Thyroid Connection. And I’ve been reading it. I haven’t finished it, but I am slowly reading it. (Come on, a medical diet book is dry material, no matter how evangelical the writing style.)

Now, to bring these seemingly disparate point back together, it turns out that Myers’ diet to balance the thyroid very closely mirrors the Candida Diet I was following when I felt such an amazing change in my body. As I understand it, both focus on cutting inflammation and balancing the gut. So, I’m left wondering if part of what caused that almost miraculous improvement in myself wasn’t entirely down to killing off yeast in my intestines, but maybe also in inadvertently balancing out my thyroid levels.

This instantly intrigues me, gives me a little added impetus to get over the initial challenges of eating right. (Because when I don’t, I really don’t. I’m not a middle of the road kind of person. When I don’t pay attention to what I eat, I will subsist on popcorn, pretzels and angel food cake. Really.) And in conversation about it Hubs, supportive as always, simply said, “OK, well, lets order some cookbooks so we can learn some new recipes and broaden our eating options.”

Thus we ordered two: The Autoimmune Paleo Cookbook, which is very highly rated (4.5 stars, with 500+ rating on Amazon), and Against All Grain, which was recommended to us by someone we know and who’s knowledge we trust. Plus, it has shopping lists. Both are technically Paleo cookbooks, which is not the diet I’m looking to follow but there is enough overlap not to matter and because of its popularity it’s easier to find Paleo books than niche diet books.

But here’s the thing, the universe wasn’t done with me. I won another book. This time it was Nourishing Meals: 365 Whole Foods, Allergy-Free Recipes for Healing Your Family One Meal at a Time. What are the chances?  Are you seeing a theme? ‘Cause I am.

Cookbooks

Meanwhile, Myers’ book has convinced me to seek out a Functional Medicine doctor next time I get my blood work done, which should have been about four months ago. I’ve always just had my GP do it, but I think this time I want to look at my whole system. I don’t think I was wrong about candida. I don’t think my hormone levels are unaffected by the foods I eat or the allergens I encounter. I’ve just never thought to have anyone test me in any fashion.

So, “Hey Universe! I got the message. I’ll be better. I’ll make the appointments. I’ll use the cookbooks. I’ll trash the last of the Cool Ranch Doritos. (They make my stomach hurt anyway.) I’ll drink my water and do my yoga. I will. But if you want to send me another book, I’m totally cool with that too.”

Edit: My mother wrote a comment regarding this post on Facebook. (You guys are getting all the family drama.) And believe me when I say I never thought she read these posts. But I suppose this is a subject that would interest her, as she is herself into Functional Medicine. She doesn’t live near me though, so I can’t take advantage of that. (Wouldn’t it be nice.) But interestingly she said, “And to think your mother is a certified functional medicine practitioner who has been telling your for three years to get your hormones checked, not just the TSH. I would like to read Amy Myer’s book when you are done. I have met her at the functional medicine conferences. Odds are pretty good if you got off all grains and exercised and de-stressed your thyroid it would regulate itself. I have decided that tubers are ok. So I have been eating potatoes and sweet potatoes and hard squash…. I eat rice, too. But I need to eliminate all the grains and dairy but that is so hard.” Don’t I know it, Mom. Don’t I know. [Note: I edited some capitalization in here, to make it easier to read,  as she tends to drop them in social media comments.]

*After reading this (apparently he pays attention to my tweets, who knew) he said to me, “It’s not shame. It’s that every time I see you eat something we know you shouldn’t I have to watch a little of the woman I love die.” But I don’t know how to internalize that as anything but shame, so I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree on that.