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Alpha's Surprise Baby

Book Review of Alpha’s Surprise Baby, by Kellan Larkin

Alpha's Surprise BabyI picked up a copy of Alpha’s Surprise Baby (by Kellan Larkin) from Amazon, when it was free. It was still free at the time of posting.

I’m currently reading all the books on my shelves that have Alpha in the title. I did all the Omegas a couple weeks ago and it didn’t feel complete, so I tagged this second phase onto the challenge.

Description from Goodreads:
His blonde hair, the colorful tattoos on his porcelain skin, and his sparkling amber eyes were all intoxicating, conspiring to create a man who I couldn’t get enough of.

Kade’s an Omega wolf who just happens to be a rock star. But when his second album is released to terrible reviews, he loses all his enthusiasm for going on tour. That changes when his newly hired bodyguard turns out to be his fated mate.

Alpha Xander is thrilled to have found the man he’s going to spend the rest of his life with. But he’s still healing from the pain caused by a cheating ex. When Kade gets pregnant, he has to step up and become the father his new baby needs.

Through a stressful tour, a heartrending kidnapping, and a thrilling rescue, Kade and Xander find that their love is tested beyond belief. Will the bond of the fated mates stay true?

Find out if they’ll find their happiness in this standalone novella with a HEA. No cheating, no cliffhangers. Inside, you’ll find a precious shifter baby and plenty of sugar and spice.

Review:
Wow, you guys, that was bad. I mean really, really bad. The mechanical writing is surprisingly good. There’s the occational editing error, but it’s much better than a lot of the indie books I’ve read. But man, it has the excitement, tension and grit of a fluffy, tutu wearing, 12-year-old ballerina. I found it almost impossible to stay invested in. If it had been longer I wouldn’t have been able to finish it. The writing is just incredibly flat. I mean like no excitement anywhere.

Here’s an example:

“Kade, you’re pregnant.”
“Damn. OK.”

And I didn’t even leave anything out. That’s it. Man finds out he’s accidentally pregnant and that’s it. That’s the response. Talk about a missed opportunity to build tension.

The whole book is like this. Found your fated mate? ‘Ok, I’ll get around to talking to him sometime next week, after I have some tacos and practice with the band a bit.’ Daughter gets kidnapped? ‘Oh well, might as well get on with life like normal the very next day.’ Rescued your daughter? ‘Oh, that’s nice. Want some grilled cheese?’ No buildup, no tension, no emotion. DULL!

And that sex scene! No foreplay at all. An anal passage that apparently self-lubricates somehow, a total shift in characters’ personalities during sex and a climax as thrilling as that pregnancy announcement was all a major let down.

There was no world-building at all, nothing to explain shifters, shifter society, shifters’ exposure or not, shifter biology (which in an Mpreg is kind of important), what makes an alpha and alpha and an omega an omega (despite inferring that these were somehow very different, with different expectations and abilities, and apparently they mate only alpha to omega and omega to alpha. What about all the other wolves? No idea.)

The characters were no more developed than the world. I have no idea what their ages were supposed to be, but they read like very juvenile young adults….that, you know, have really unexceptional sex. They had no history, no depth, no verve.

On a side note, this is very much the Omega’s Surprise Baby, not the Alpha’s. But whatever. All in all, this one is worth missing.

The Alpha Meets His Match

Book Review of The Alpha Meets His Match (Shifters, Inc. #1), by Georgette St. Clair

The Alpha Meets His MatchI picked up a free copy of Georgette St. Clair‘s The Alpha Meets His Match on Amazon. I believe it is perma-free.

I’m reading it as part of my Alpha Review challenge. I’m reading all the books on my shelves that include the word Alpha. I did Omegas a few weeks ago and it seemed like the thing to do to follow it up with Alphas.

Description from Goodreads:
Coyote shifter Bobbi Jo Simpson, top investigator for the Enforcer’s Council, is finally closing in on the ultimate prize: The Chemist, who’s been poisoning shifters all across the country for years. She’s the best at what she does, so what could possibly go wrong? Try: just about everything. She’s forced to partner up with the most stubborn, infuriating werewolf private investigator on the planet, who also happens to be her fated mate. Throw in a wily human thief who won’t stop trying to help her, a surly lion shifter who may be the death of her, a computer genius who knows too much about her…if she survives this case, it’ll be a miracle.

Wolf shifter Jax Mackenzie has never been accused of being a nice guy – but being nice doesn’t get the job done. A wolf without a pack, he works the most dangerous assignments doled out by a private security company – and his latest case is a real killer. A fatal Rage virus is spreading among the members of an elite BDSM club, and Jax is determined to get to the bottom of the case.

To get what he wants, he’ll ruthlessly use his supernatural strength, his wealthy connections, and Bobbi, the beautiful coyote shifter who’s following him for reasons of her own. But the coyote is his fated mate – and possibly his mortal enemy. Now it’s not just Jax’s heart that’s at risk – it’s his life.

Review:
I’m gonna be a Ranty Ranty McRanty-pants on this one I’m afraid.

So, this book was a total, total, TOTAL fail for me. It just includes every weak woman cliché that drives me crazy—the good girl who wanders into the slums and almost gets gang raped (except that she’s rescued by the hero), the woman who is given free drugs until she’s so addicted she’ll crawl and beg and blow three men while being humiliated and beaten for her next fix, the strong, capable, independent heroine who secretly just wants to submit to the big strong man, the need to force a woman in a sexually compromising position that she secretly enjoys, sexual humiliation as character development, and of course, enough gang rapes to keep me disgusted well into next year.

Having finished it, I can confidently say that there is not a single woman in this book who isn’t a sexual victim of some sort. Not one. Every female non-main character is either a blithering sex slave, a prostitute throwing herself mindlessly at a man or a rape victim (often more than once of those at once). The two main characters have both been sexually abused. Forget the Bechdel test, this fails life and as sad as it is to say, I bet the author doesn’t even realize this is the shit she wrote. It’s just that much of a norm in America.

It’s like rape and abuse of women is some sort of authorial shorthand for ‘bad man’ or ‘bad area.’ Want the reader to know the neighborhood is not just dangerous, but really dangerous? Rape a random ‘good girl.’ Gang rape her, even better. Never males though, this gives a different message. Want to ensure your reader knows your villain is truly irredeemable? Have him rape women. Maybe make him a drug lord who can systematically gang rape whole harems of drug addled women. That’ll surely get the message across.  I DON’T WANT TO READ SHORTHAND! And what’s more, I do not want to read a parade of clichéd female misery and victimhood.

Literally, every time Vaughn’s perspective came up I gave very serious consideration to giving up on the book. Not just because he was such a vile character, but because his vileness was so poorly written. Sure, he did horrible things, but they were things purposefully designed to bluntly telegraph **I am an evil man,** rather than to develop any sort of believable evil character.

I’d see Vaughn and think, “Great, now I have to sit through another gang rape and more abuse lobbed at mindless, defenseless women. I get it, he’s bad. Can we move on now?” And you know what, I was right every freakin’ time. Scenes with Vaughn were universally abusive, derogatory, rape scenes. It shouldn’t be so freakin’ predictable.

At 37% into the book, I made myself a note of how unimpressed I was with this common use of women in books; how I didn’t expect to see a single female character that wasn’t a victim of some sort and that by the end the author would put the heroine in the hands of this rapist villain. If she just wanted to give the hero a chance to save her (because she wouldn’t save herself) he’d get there in time. If the author wanted to add the extra shine to his character, he wouldn’t get there until she’d been raped. Then he could be such a good man that he’s willing to love a sullied woman. PEOPLE, I SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO PREDICT THE EVENTS OF A BOOK SO WELL AT 37% THAT I EVEN KNOW THE SUBTEXT THE AUTHOR WANTS ME TO READ FROM THEM! At least the author took the first option. That was a relief.

On a less horrendously offensive note, I was annoyed when the mission required the characters pose as a couple in a BDSM club. Of course, with no conversation, she’s automatically the sub and he’s the dom; because obviously women are submissive and men are dominant. Riiiight. Wouldn’t want to include anything that isn’t trite and predictable. How many times have uncomfortable female characters had to dress in slinky clothing and go to sexy clubs with men as part of an investigation in books? How many times have they secretly enjoyed it? I swear I’ve read this EXACT scene a dozen times. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve written this exact same question into at least one other review. It really does get old and it’s not even a little titillating. I’m just bored by more of the same.

And that’s the thing about this book. Everything in it has been seen before. If the rapes had been scaled back I probably would have just been annoyed instead of disgusted. But to have to read over-used, under-developed, badly edited, bog standard, poor PNR tropes on top of rape wallpaper? No, just NO, in big, fat, bold capital letters.

Book Review of Omega’s Touch & Omega’s Fate, by Wolf Specter

Since the last two books for my Omega Weekend Challenge turned out to both be short(ish) stories by the same person (Wolf Specter), I’ve just combined them into one post. Here are Omega’s Touch and Omega’s Fate.

Omega's TouchDescription from Goodreads:
An Omega who can kill with a Touch. An Alpha determined to save his son. Will they clash- or will they accept their bond?

Brilliant, indolent Dilyn spent years hiding his power as an Omega. He doesn’t want to bond to an Alpha, doesn’t want to lose control of his life, or his gift. But when called upon by his Alpha to do something useful, Dilyn reluctantly travels to a strange pack in order to Heal a dangerously injured new wolf.

Gwyr promises he won’t try and bond the Omega to him. But resolve flees when he sees the snarky young wolf for the first time. His wolf knows they were meant to be together- but Gwyr can’t break his word. And Healing his son, Tanner, is more important than convincing a skittish Omega that he is worth the risk.

Dilyn struggles to Heal, struggles to retain his independence in the face of unexpected temptation… should he trust that Gwyr isn’t a tyrant, but is an Alpha willing to allow Dilyn his freedom? Is a mate bond worth risking freedom?

Review:
Hmmm, simplistic and rushed but not all together bad. Characters seemed to  make instant, unprovoked changes in attitudes and the bit at the end, about dragons, seemed irrelevant (probably for a future book).

My main problem with this, however, was the way Dilyn was forced into something he didn’t want. It’s clear from beginning to end that he doesn’t want to mate, but he’s forced to anyway. And I simply couldn’t believe that love was supposed to have developed  (making it all ok in theory) when the whole danger to Dilyn in the first place was that ANY ALPHA WOULD BE ATTRACTED TO ANY OMEGA AND TRY TO CLAIM HIM, which suggests to me that there was nothing any more special between him and Gwyr that any other alpha and omega, no matter how hard the author tried to pretend that the world she set up didn’t work the way she set it up.

25633475Description from Goodreads:
The Mating Ball used to be a yearly event where bachelor Alpha werewolves meet potential mates, but now it’s a party mostly used to hook up with as many people as you can. 

Ethan, one of the humans hired to entertain the werewolves, goes into the event with only one expectation: getting paid for having fun. The prospect of maybe meeting an Alpha female is only a bonus. 

Max, a successful Alpha, has been getting pressure from all sides to settle down and prove his Alpha genes. Two problems: he doesn’t believe that the Mating Ball works and he is only interested in men. 

Once there, he meets Ethan, who catches his attention immediately, but the man insists that he isn’t gay, or interested in Max. As the ball comes to an end, the two men can no longer deny their attraction and take off together. Only to wake up to a very special surprise. 

Review:
You know how sometimes when you listen to an audiobook you can put it on faster than real life? That’s what this story is like. The plot rockets at an unfollowable pace. The characters morph from screeching harpy, to sulking child, to hesitant lover, to enthusiastic lover, to morning sickness at light speed. The Mpreg is thrown in at the last as unbelievable attempt at a twist. The world isn’t explained at all. I’m not even certain if Omegas are wolves or the humans who come to the party. I don’t know if they actually mated for life or just mated, as in had sex. The reader isn’t given enough information and the whole thing is just ridiculous. The idea could have been interesting if had actually been developed. But it hasn’t been and that negates any charm it might have had.