Lara Adrian

I picked up a copy of Lara Adrian‘s (writing as Tina St. John) Heart of the Hunter from Amazon, in November of 2012! Glad to see I got around to reading it in a timely manner. As it’s

Description from Goodreads:
Ariana of Clairmont would risk anything to save her kidnapped brother, a quest she knows is fraught with peril. Her only ally is Braedon le Chasseur, a formidable knight with a mysterious past, whose scarred face and brooding nature mask a soul filled with pain. Ariana fears this dangerous man and the secrets he strives to conceal—but Braedon’s touch is pure seduction, his kiss a potent lure that tempts her into a passion she is powerless to resist.

Once known as The Hunter, now haunted by a dark legacy he struggles to deny, Braedon lives in a world of shadow and isolation—until he is thrust together with an innocent beauty in need of his protection. Embarking on a journey that will lead them to a legendary treasure, Braedon will be forced to confront old enemies and the stunning secret of his true nature—or risk losing Ariana and the only happiness he has ever known. . . .

Review:
Ok look, I chose to read this by scrolling through my Kindle and going, “Oh, historical paranormal romance with dragons. Yes please.” I didn’t look farther than that. I didn’t notice I’d had the book since 2012 or that the first edition on Goodreads is from 2004. Because if I had, I wouldn’t have bothered with the book. I would have know in advance how much I’d dislike it.

As Suzanne Brockmann recently addressed in her RWA speech, the language of romance novels used to be a lot different, back when penis wasn’t allowed, etc. So you got a lot of ‘velvet covered steel” and “pearls of womanhood.”

And OH MY GOD, while I’m no fan of cunt, I’ll take it over “glove of her womb” a hundred times over! I am Modern Woman, hear me…panic over the fear of accidental pregnancy for my whole sexually active adulthood. Unless the point is implanting semen in said womb and impregnation, do no put the word womb in a sex scene. JUST DON’T, especially in a historical where prophylactics don’t exist anyhow. And it’s used over and over here, “glove of her womb,” “entrance of her womb,” just “her womb’ (which is even worse), “fist of her womb,” and of course her climax floods her womb and her womb expands and contract with orgasm. OMG, stop!

There was nothing erotic in these sex scenes. And that’s before I address things like, ” He didn’t wait for her permission. In truth, he wasn’t sure he was asking for it…” or “”Tell me to let you go, Ariana. If you do not…ah, God, if you do not…” He had no will to wait for her denial.” Yeah, when it came to sex he was all about doing what he wanted.

I’ll grant that Adrian at least provided a little foreplay and the hero didn’t pound away like a jackhammer in a vagina that should be bone-dry for all he touched it. And the heroine had her own sexual agency. But sadly I had trouble with that too. The word innocent/innocence is used about a million times to describe her (especially in regard to being a virgin), as well as guileless, naive, naïveté, etc. Then, BAM, she’s giving head like a boss with no instruction. How exactly would such an ingénue, as she’s supposed to be, know anything a blow jobs? Tell me, how?

And then there was the fact that as soon as the hero decided to help and protect the heroine, all this started: “That’s right. From now on, I decide our course of action. ‘Tis the only way.” “…and do whatever I tell you. Understand?” “Don’t ever disobey me again, do you understand? If I tell you to do something, know that I have my reasons. I must be able to trust that you will do as I say, not question me or defy me.” (These are just a few example.) And I’m all reading this book like, Dude, you are just some rando off the street. Who are you to take control of her like that? I don’t care if it is historical. You’re not her father, brother or even her husband yet! Fuck off. But of course she lets him make all the decisions and falls in love with him instead. Plus, any time she tried to do anything on her own she went and did something stupid, like almost get raped. (And it’s worth mentioning, just in case this dumpster fire isn’t obvious enough, she initially met him and then he immediately saved her from being raped and sold into sexual slavery. Because of course he did. What else would happen to a woman out in the big scary world of men? It’s certainly the only thing that ever seems to happen to them in books like this.)

For those like me who like historical paranormals, know that there are no dragons in this book and the paranormal aspects are almost nil. They certainly aren’t well integrated. So, as you might guess, I hated this book. This is the sort of book that kept me from reading heterosexual romances for so long. The industry has moved forward, things have gotten better. But this shit can go die.

I grabbed Lara Adrian’s A Touch of Midnight from the Amazon free list and Kiss of Midnight from my local library.

Description from Goodreads:
Savannah Dupree is halfway across the country from her Louisiana bayou hometown, a freshman studying at Boston University on a full scholarship. But academic excellence is only one of Savannah’s gifts. She possesses something even more remarkable than her quick mind and insatiable curiosity for learning. With a simple touch, Savannah can see an object’s past—a skill that puts her life in danger, when her studies bring her into contact with a centuries-old English sword and the secret hidden within the blade’s history: the vicious murders of twin boys by a group of fanged creatures borne of the worst kind of nightmare.

In all his three hundred years of living as one of the Breed, vampire warrior Gideon never dreamed he’d see the blade again that spilled his young brothers’ lives ages ago on that blood-soaked night in London. Ever since the boys’ deaths, Gideon’s been on a personal quest to rid the world of Rogue vampires, but now he can’t help wondering if the brutal slayings of his only kin was something more sinister—an act perpetrated by an unknown enemy. An enemy who is apparently living in hiding somewhere in Boston. There’s one certain way to prove Gideon’s suspicion, but it will mean using innocent, gifted Savannah to help uncover the full truth—a truth that will shatter everything she knows about herself and the world around her. And with danger closing in from all sides, the passion that ignites between Gideon and Savannah will tempt them to risk their hearts and lives for a love that might just last an eternity…

Review:
Pompous, overwritten, rushed and containing every cheap PNR cliché known to man. However, I think (though I may be giving it too much credit) that since this was published well after the bulk of the other books, it is intended for pre-existing fans of the series, whose well entrenched love of the Breeds would carry the day. Perhaps it has more meaning and resonance for such readers. This is the first of the Midnight Breed books I’ve ever read and I WAS NOT IMPRESSED.

Description from Goodreads:
He watches her from across the crowded dance club, a sensual black-haired stranger who stirs Gabrielle Maxwell’s deepest fantasies. But nothing about this night—or this man—is what it seems. For when Gabrielle witnesses a murder outside the club, reality shifts into something dark and deadly. In that shattering instant she is thrust into a realm she never knew existed—a realm where vampires stalk the shadows and a blood war is set to ignite.

Lucan Thorne despises the violence carried out by his lawless brethren. A vampire himself, Lucan is a Breed warrior, sworn to protect his kind—and the unwitting humans existing alongside them—from the mounting threat of the Rogues. Lucan cannot risk binding himself to a mortal woman, but when Gabrielle is targeted by his enemies, he has no choice but to bring her into the dark underworld he commands.

Here, in the arms of the Breed’s formidable leader, Gabrielle will confront an extraordinary destiny of danger, seduction, and the darkest pleasures of all. . .

Review:
Blerghhhh. Let me just pause to clean up the vomit…ok, moving on. I absolutely, 100% do not understand why people love this series! It’s horrible. I picked this book up from my local library, but prior to reading it I read the freebie prequel A Touch of Midnight. Of it I said, “Pompous, overwritten, rushed and containing every cheap PNR cliché known to man…I WAS NOT IMPRESSED.” This one wasn’t rushed; I’ll give it that. But the rest of that sentence is true. It was also incredibly, I mean INCREDIBLY predictable.

The dialogue was stiff and overly dramatic. There were numerous large, dull info-dumps. I knew what would happen at every stage of the game. A lot of hated PNR tropes were simply strung together and called a book and the plot was so thin cheesecloth would feel more substantial.

What’s worse, I hated the characters. Lucan was just a selfish jackass and at no point did I feel he redeemed himself. And Gabrielle was TSTL. I mean, with the exception of the times they were in bed, she spent the whole book being angry, annoyed, or scared of Lucan. So…what exactly did she fall in love with? Then, of course, because she has to throw herself into stupid danger (can’t miss that tripe…excuse me, trope) she decides to leave all safety behind in a huff because she’s mad at Lucan. Dumb.

Plus, can I just vent a moment on how much I hate how common it is for heroines to doubt their own sanity. It’s just a cultural reaffirmation of the idea that women aren’t as strong in the mental department as men. She’s made to look emotionally and mentally weak so that she needs a strong smart man to make all her decisions for her. Ugh. Gross.

And, and, while on hated tropes…being seduced in her sleep, denies her volition and accountability of her own sexuality. Not to mention, seriously people, no woman would sleep through a man sneaking into her bedroom and performing oral sex on her. The first dip of the mattress would have most women up and screaming in fear, not pleasure. I hate this romantic trope so much.

Yeah, so, so, so, yeah, I have no more words for how much I hated this book.