Tag Archives: self published

Wisteria Witches

Book Review of Wisteria Witches, by Angela Pepper

I received an Audible credit from Angela Pepper to get the box set of the first three Wisteria Witches books. However, I’m choosing to review only the first here on the blog.

Description from Goodreads:

Zara Riddle moves to the town of Wisteria for a dream job as a librarian. She hasn’t even unpacked her moving boxes when she and her teen daughter, Zoey, are swept up in a murder mystery.

With all the ghosts and supernatural creatures around (Including a real hunk of a wolf shifter! Meow!) it’s a good thing the Riddle women are tougher than they look. Now, if only they could handle their new witch powers as well as they’ve mastered their sarcastic wit!

Review:

This didn’t work for me. Though, I suspect it is a matter of taste over quality. There are some consistency issues, people knowing things they haven’t been told and such, and I thought the dialogue got too formal at times (especially considering how informal Zara is in general). But for the most part what bothered me wasn’t a matter of the book being bad, but of it being everything I dislike. 

I found Zara intensely annoying! Yes, I see that we’re supposed to think her Gilmore Girl cute. But I found her endless blather like nails on a chalkboard, all her constant media references trite, and her naiveté insincere. I felt like even the author thought her immature, often excusing the things she says by calling them juvenile, long-standing jokes between her and her daughter. The book falls short of calling anyone a poopy-head, but not by much, and only because it’s so committed to “ding-dong.” 

Calling Zara and her crew Mary-Sues would be an understatement. On the upside, the book is 100% clean, not even a curse word is uttered. On the downside, it means the book lacks any sort of grit. So much so that there is barely any tension. I was just this side of bored for all of it.

Plus, the book takes a long time to pick up any kind of speed, spending far too much time on dinners and descriptions. (Hope you like adjectives.) Then, once it does, the mystery essentially solves itself off-page, leaving the reader out of the action. 

Lastly, I disliked Tiffany Williams’ narration style. It fit the book really well, actually. And again, the quality is fine. But the places she emphasizes words and her tone, etc, just highlights the overly-sensitive, overtly clean aspect of the book, making all my annoyances stand out even more. 

Please don’t take the last few paragraphs as my having an issue with clean stories. I just don’t know a better way to describe the feel of it, like it’s been scrubbed of anything interesting and real. I guess that’s my base issue, why people complain about Mary-Sues in general, they don’t feel real. They’re too idealized to relate to and thus feel fake. 

I actually have the audio box set of the first three books. I went into them with really high hopes. I’m all about cozy paranormal mysteries right now, and the main character even has my same name. When you’re named Zarah, that’s not something you encounter often. I will challenge myself to give the next book a try. Maybe with the world-building done, the next book will be better for me. I was disappointed with this. But I can 100% see all the things that irritated me, so being exactly what another reader will love. To each their own.

Too Many Faery Princes

Book Review of Too Many Faery Princes, by Alex Beecroft

I picked up a copy of Too Many Faery Princes (by Alex Beecroft) on Amazon.

Description from Goodreads: 
Kjartan’s family is royally dysfunctional. He’d prefer to ignore the lot of them, but can’t since his father has set him and his brothers on a quest to win a throne Kjartan doesn’t even want. Worse, his younger brother resorts to murder and forces Kjartan to teleport—without looking where he’s going. 

Art gallery worker Joel Wilson’s day has gone from hopeless, to hopeful, then straight to hell. One minute he’s sure his boss has found a way to save the floundering business, the next he’s scrambling to sell everything to pay off a loan shark. If anyone needs a fairy godmother right now, it’s Joel. What he gets is a fugitive elven prince in a trash bin. 

They’ll both have to make the best of it, because fairy tales run roughshod over reluctant heroes. Particularly when there aren’t enough happy endings to go around

Review:

I thought this was a very sweet, low heat MM romance. I appreciated the diversity in the small cast and the happy for now ending. The writing was perfectly serviceable, but there wasn’t anything particularly stand-out in the plot (other than it being about a prince, instead of a princess). It was pretty much exactly what you would expect it to be, nothing more/nothing less. There’s not much more to say on the matter.

Heart of the Hunter

Book Review of Heart of the Hunter (Dragon Chalice #1), by Lara Adrian

I picked up a copy of Lara Adrian‘s (writing as Tina St. John) Heart of the Hunter from Amazon in November of 2012! Glad to see I got around to reading it in a timely manner. As it’s

Description from Goodreads:
Ariana of Clairmont would risk anything to save her kidnapped brother, a quest she knows is fraught with peril. Her only ally is Braedon le Chasseur, a formidable knight with a mysterious past, whose scarred face and brooding nature mask a soul filled with pain. Ariana fears this dangerous man and the secrets he strives to conceal—but Braedon’s touch is pure seduction, his kiss a potent lure that tempts her into a passion she is powerless to resist.

Once known as The Hunter, now haunted by a dark legacy he struggles to deny, Braedon lives in a world of shadow and isolation—until he is thrust together with an innocent beauty in need of his protection. Embarking on a journey that will lead them to a legendary treasure, Braedon will be forced to confront old enemies and the stunning secret of his true nature—or risk losing Ariana and the only happiness he has ever known. . . .

Review:
Ok look, I chose to read this by scrolling through my Kindle and going, “Oh, historical paranormal romance with dragons. Yes, please.” I didn’t look further than that. I didn’t notice I’d had the book since 2012 or that the first edition on Goodreads is from 2004. Because if I had, I wouldn’t have bothered with the book. I would have known in advance how much I’d dislike it.

As Suzanne Brockmann recently addressed in her RWA speech, the language of romance novels used to be a lot different, back when penis wasn’t allowed, etc. So you got a lot of ‘velvet covered steel” and “pearls of womanhood.”

And OH MY GOD, while I’m no fan of cunt, I’ll take it over “glove of her womb” a hundred times over! I am Modern Woman, hear me…panic over the fear of accidental pregnancy for my whole sexually active adulthood. Unless the point is implanting semen in said womb and impregnation, do not put the word womb in a sex scene. JUST DON’T, especially in a historical where prophylactics don’t exist anyhow. And it’s used over and over here, “glove of her womb,” “entrance of her womb,” just “her womb’ (which is even worse), “fist of her womb,” and of course, her climax floods her womb and her womb expands and contract with orgasm. OMG, stop!

There was nothing erotic in these sex scenes. And that’s before I address things like, ” He didn’t wait for her permission. In truth, he wasn’t sure he was asking for it…” or “”Tell me to let you go, Ariana. If you do not…ah, God, if you do not…” He had no will to wait for her denial.” Yeah, when it came to sex, he was all about doing what he wanted.

I’ll grant that Adrian at least provided a little foreplay, and the hero didn’t pound away like a jackhammer in a vagina that should be bone-dry for all he touched it. And the heroine had her own sexual agency. But sadly, I had trouble with that, too. The word innocent/innocence is used about a million times to describe her (especially in regard to being a virgin), as well as guileless, naive, naïveté, etc. Then, BAM, she’s giving head like a boss with no instruction. How exactly would such an ingénue, as she’s supposed to be, know anything a blow jobs? Tell me, how?

And then there was the fact that as soon as the hero decided to help and protect the heroine, all this started: “That’s right. From now on, I decide our course of action. ‘Tis the only way.” “…and do whatever I tell you. Understand?” “Don’t ever disobey me again, do you understand? If I tell you to do something, know that I have my reasons. I must be able to trust that you will do as I say, not question me or defy me.” (These are just a few examples.) And I’m all reading this book like, Dude, you are just some rando off the street. Who are you to take control of her like that? I don’t care if it is historical. You’re not her father, brother, or even her husband yet! Fuck off. But of course, she lets him make all the decisions and falls in love with him instead. Plus, any time she tried to do anything on her own, she went and did something stupid, like almost getting raped. (And it’s worth mentioning, just in case this dumpster fire isn’t obvious enough, she initially met him, and then he immediately saved her from being raped and sold into sexual slavery. Because, of course, he did. What else would happen to a woman out in the big, scary world of men? It’s certainly the only thing that ever seems to happen to them in books like this.)

For those like me who like historical paranormals, know that there are no dragons in this book and the paranormal aspects are almost nil. They certainly aren’t well integrated. So, as you might guess, I hated this book. This is the sort of book that kept me from reading heterosexual romances for so long. The industry has moved forward, things have gotten better. But this shit can go die.