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Book Review of Confessions of a Gourmand, or How to Cook a Dragon, by Tom Bruno

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Confessions of a Gourmand

I downloaded Tom Bruno‘s foodie novel, Confessions of a Gourmand, or How to Cook a Dragon from the Amazon free list.

Description from Goodreads:
Van d’Allamitri is destined to become the most famous chef in all of the Three Continents– if only he can survive his childhood first! Son of a Shan-li restaurateur and a far trader from the great merchant city of Varo, young Van proves to be a natural talent in the kitchen, transforming the simplest of ingredients into delicious meals capable of enchanting the hearts of those who eat them. But when disaster strikes and the hated Varonians invade his sleepy home village, Van must choose between honoring the culinary traditions of his mother and following in the footsteps of his cosmopolitan but ne’er-do-well father.

Armed with his trusty chef’s knife and an enchanted wok containing the trapped soul of his ancestor, Van will cook many meals and face many dangers– from treacherous slavers and bloodthirsty mercenaries to the Gorgon Queens of Chocolate and their terrible reptilian pets– all the while unraveling the mystery of his father’s past and setting into motion an explosive confrontation between his people and a powerful empire. Confessions of a Gourmand is a novel about family, fantasy, and food set in a deliciously imagined world where dragons are not only real, but on the menu as well.

Review:
Most famous chef in the known world and his autobiography ends 17? I’m just akin’ ’cause, you know, seems maybe something got left out. No really, he’s writing this history as an ‘old man’ but it only covers birth to 17. Where are the next, oh, 50-80 years? Ok, I’m being overly critical and maybe a little priggish, but I’ve got a point right?

Now about those first 17 years…they’re pretty awesome. In the tradition of epic tales everywhere, Vin manages to heroically be in the right place at the right time (It’s actually often the wrong place at the wrong time, but who’s counting?) to make friends and influence people. By age six, he’s garnering the attention of kings, by mid-adolescence he’s wooing queens and rescuing the huddled masses and by 17 he’s changing local history and striking out on his own. Cool.

By 17 I’d paired combat boots with my minidress and silently dared my father to oppose my free expression of prescribed fashion anarchy. So, I’m duly impressed with Vin’s accomplishments. There were some definite, ‘well wasn’t that convenient’ moments, but they were generally overshadowed by my basic enjoyment of the tale and Vin’s voice.

The story is marinated…no, narrated in a marvellously conversational tone, by an eminently likeable main character. Vin’s willingness to admit to his own faults makes him hard to resist and Bruno’s ability to somehow thread Vin’s narrative with subtle emotional shifts made it feel real, despite it’ fantasy setting.

The book does drag in the middle. Counterintuitively, this is when Vin ages past his culture’s version of childhood, leaves home for the first time, travels, discovers women, etc. You would think this would be where the book picks up. But no, I found his six-year-old self more interesting than his older self (at least until the very end, when the pace accelerated again).

Part of the reason is that as a child he didn’t have enough life behind him to allow for flashbacks. As he aged, these flashbacks became more common and (I found) distracting. Especially as they were often interspersed with other narratives, going back and forward between two memories/tales with no indication or visual transition. Meaning you didn’t realise you’d shifted from the primary event to the secondary event until a sentence to two into the new paragraph. Annoying.

Another reason is the inclusion of at least one lengthy recipe, if not an entire multi-course menu description in each chapter. I found it stifling by the latter half of the book. Both because the pattern became so apparent and because as he aged his cooking grew more complex and took more time to explain.

However, even throughout the slow bits I found plenty to appreciate. The almost recognisable cultures Vin describes (certainly I saw China and Italy, possibly Japan and Spain) were interesting, while the completely imaginary ones (the Gorgon queen of Chocolate, for example) tickled my fantasy-fancy. Because lets not pretend that Vin’s focus on food wasn’t also a convenient hook to discuss the politics, histories, mores, habits and customs of the different peoples’ haute cuisine he cooks so well. (And all of it is surprisingly well thought out.) All this before I even scratch the surface of dragons, wyrms, dinosaurs, cyclops, shark-shifters, etc. One is never sure where myth leaves off and reality begins, but one always enjoys the story.

My one main complaint about the book, however, is that Vin’s age is largely indeterminate until very late in the game (like 95% through). This is both a symptom of and a cause of the fact that you’re never sure how much time is or has passed. At one point, I thought him 8-9 years old only to have him referred to as a child and taken as a lover within the same few pages. He eventually refers to his  ‘not yet 16 year old self.’ Would that make him 15? I guess that’s better than the 12-13 I’d guestimated when It became apparent he was no longer a child-child and was being taken to the bed of a significantly older woman.

Either way he’s under age and having sex. This didn’t particularly bother me. I’m flexible enough to roll with cultural difference concerning age of adulthood/consent and there is no graphic sex anyway, but some people might be bothered. Me? I was just annoyed because I didn’t know if I should be picturing a short, juvenile boy with a sparklingly clear voice or a gangly, gravel-voiced adolescent. These things are important to a visually prone reader!

All in all, I’m closing this book happy. I thoroughly enjoyed following Vin’s adventure and will happily pick up another of Bruno’s works.

Mere Mortal

Book Review of Mere Mortal, by Katie Roman

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Mere MortalI grabbed a copy of Katie Roman‘s Mere Mortal from the Amazon free list.

Description from Goodreads:
Samantha Dunmore would be thrilled to live quietly with her dog. However, working as a social worker for vampires makes life anything but. When an ancient vampire brings trouble right to Samantha’s doorstep she must step out of her quiet life and into a world of villainous vampires, werewolves with hero complexes, and witches out to make mischief. Armed with attitude and a blessed baseball bat Samantha decides to get her life back to normal, or as normal as she can.

Review:
I’d call this an all right read, not horrible but not spectacular either. It’s a shame, too. Because, I think it really could have been, had the author not tried so hard to add so many literary ‘must haves,’ that the book just didn’t need and done a little more editing.

What I did like: I liked Samantha. She was smart and relatively savvy in the end. (I spent a while thinking she must be a bit dim to go along with everything and not report anything, but as she figures it out so did I and she wasn’t stupid.) It was a pleasant surprise. I liked some of the cheeky dialogue and that the closest thing the book had to a hero wasn’t allowed to sweep in and solve all her problems. I also liked the basic premise of the world everything occurs in.

What I didn’t like: To put it bluntly, it felt like the book didn’t actually have a point. Samantha runs around randomly getting attacked, then the book ends. The issue with the item causing all the ruckus is never solved. In fact, its never even addressed, which left me wondering why everything suddenly settled down. Or looking at it from the other end, if it was so easily settled why make such a big deal of it to begin with? Plus, if the baddie could so easily get someone into her office, as he did, why not just do that instead of harassing Samantha at all?

There was also a weak attempt at a romance that I could have done without, as it contributed nothing to the story. Even worse, it was essentially unsupported. I suppose the reader is supposed to assume it’s been simmering for a while, but that information isn’t actually there. The uncomfortable assumption is just the only way to make it work when it suddenly shows up.

This is one of those ‘must haves’ I referred to. The romance was not necessary for the progression of the plot; it distracted from the main mystery, wasn’t really fleshed out enough to be satisfying and, in the end, just became a little annoying in its half-assedness. It felt very much like the author added it in to make the book appeal to a broader or certain audience, not because it was a legitimate part of her story. 

Having said all that, it was still a relatively amusing read and I did enjoy the experience.

Veiled

Book Review of Veiled, by Victoria Knight

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Veiled

A representative of Laudanum House Publishing, contacted me about reading and reviewing Victoria Knight‘s PNR, Veiled. When I agree, they sent me a copy. As far as I know it wasn’t an ARC, though I’d be happy to find out I’m wrong about that. 

Description from Goodreads:
Until now Saul relied on the solitude of the forest to hide his true nature from prying eyes. But now a nameless evil has arrived, shaking his world to the foundation. With a trail of death leading right to his doorstep, he must join forces with the most unlikely of allies to save not only his existence, but also the lives of those he holds most dear…

Review:
From time to time, I write a review that turns out to be closer to an essay than any kind of mere critical analysis of a couple hundred page book. This will likely be one of those times.

You see, I don’t always take notes when I read. Usually I can depend on my memory to remember what I want to talk about. However, when I start finding a lot of those kinds of things (good or bad, but honestly usually bad) I start a notes page. It’s not usually a good sign for a book or it’s author…I took a lot of notes while reading this book.

I’ll start, though, by saying that the book does have an interesting premise. And I have to give some serious props to Ms. Knight for creating a heroine who truly wasn’t wimpy or limp-wristed in any manner. She was also a girl who knew what she wanted and went for it. I appreciate this a lot. It’s a little on the rare side and I’m always delighted when I stumble across it.

However, my praise pretty much ends there. To start with, the writing (the actual words chosen, writing) is far too wordy. I know that statement is a little vague, so here’s an example.

Saul was dashing back towards Lester before his better judgement could so much as utter a sound within his head. His rage took the better of him. He didn’t even feel silly running down the street with a bag of groceries in one arm, while intentions of pounding a drunken jerk’s face left him robbed of his good judgement.

Grammatically it’s a passable passage. But there are just too many words in it to allow it to flow smoothly. Over and over this wordiness kept me from really sinking into the story.

Neither was the situation improved by the stiff dialogue that used names far too frequently and felt very staccato; the repetitive use of certain words or phrases, ‘primal’ and ‘he could tell’ come immediately to mind; the giant info-dump at about 25%; or the odd chapter headings.

I don’t usually pay any attention to chapter numberings, but at some point I noticed that I was reading what I thought must be a Chapter 2 for the fourth time. I don’t know. I think each chapter had numerical sections, but it’s never explained so I was just basically confused at all times about it. That’s definitely not standard.

Even these things I probably would have looked over. But the ever-increasing list of contradictions was another matter entirely. Here are a few examples. Saul unlocks a door and when he relocks it, the reader is told it’s the first time the door has been locked in over 100 years. Saul says that he is 106 years old, but also that they (presumably he and his family) lived in Romania for 200 years. Jason’s father is said to have died 5 years earlier of a heart attack and then shows up. Kara gets out of the bathtub and goes to bed, only to be back in the bathtub in the next scene. (At least she’s consistent in liking a drink after her soak though–a beer the first time around and a glass on white wine the second.)

At another point, she shot at someone and is certain she hit them twice, a second person confirms a third hit too. Then later it’s referred to as she hit him once and the second person confirmed a second shot. The numbers aren’t adding up. Later still, she is sitting with a steaming cup of coffee only to get up to go get a bitter cup of coffee. That’s a lot of times for a reader to stop and scratch their head in confusion.

The book was also repetitive, but didn’t always quite line up with itself. For example, we’re told more than once about vampire physiology. At one point, we’re told they can stay out direct sunlight, but after a full day it would alter their DNA (or some such). Then in another passage we’re told much the same information except the vampires will get sick after an hour or so.

Typos, missed words and the occasional homophone can slip through even the most thorough editing regime. I understand that. But these sorts of inconsistencies (especially so many of them) are a fairly clear indication that the book simply wasn’t read and reread often enough or by enough people before going to press. I find this far more unforgivable, further, I’m as inclined to blame the publisher for this as the author.

There were also some basic ‘but, huh?’ kind of questions. For example, Saul can smell Nikki in a car as she pulls into the driveway (it’s long enough to just see the road at the end from the house). The baddie can smell Saul all throughout the woods and smell sex from outside the cabin. So, how come Saul never smelled that baddie who’s been lurking around his land for days?

Then there were the drastic and basically unfollowable leaps of logic. For example, Nikki sees a 20 year old, grainy black and white newspaper article that has a man that looks like Saul in it. Her first thought isn’t that there may be an older relative (brother, cousin, etc) but that it’s Saul and he hasn’t aged. Who thinks that FIRST?

Besides, she’d only ever seen him twice before. Once when she passed him in a grocery story months earlier (and she didn’t even know who he was until later) and then she’d recently caught a glimpse of him in a passing car window. It’s not like she’s intimately familiar with his appearance to start with.

There is also no real world-building or character development. Everything and everyone is fairly unidimensional. As an example, Saul is easily able to walk around with a human face, only transforming to his frightening vampire appearance when fighting.  But the baddie (who presumably also could remain in human guise, no reason is given that he couldn’t) never did. He spent all of his time wearing the transformed face of a monster…you know, so he’s easily identifiable as evil. He had no other character traits.

What made the matter worse was that the characters really needed some backstory and depth. None of Saul’s years were felt by the reader. He could have been any other man in his mid-thirties. Nikki, even more, she seemed to possess no fear. Seriously, she seemed to lack any sort of instinct for self-preservation and this oddity is never explained. Yeah, there’s a little hint that she’s supposed to have had a bit of a tragic past, but it doesn’t really explain her complete disregard for her own personal safety.

I really needed to know what made her that way, because lacking any explanatory information, I just have to assume she’s too dense to know better. And a lack of willingness or ability to keep oneself alive is my number one qualification for Too Stupid To Live. Plus, it’s 100% unbelievable in a character. Seeing her waltz into Saul’s home and basically offer herself up was laughably…just wrong basically.

I especially needed this character depth in the face of the fact that she’s a rebellious 19-year-old. 19! (Though, whom she and all her cliché piercing are rebelling against is a mystery, since her mom is dead and her dad is locked up for offences unrevealed.)

The story would have been far more believable if Nikki was older. At 19 she barely scrapes by as a YA heroine, but there is too much sex for this to be a YA or even an NA book. So I ask, why is she 19 or why is all the sex there? It didn’t contribute anything to the story. She’s also very forward and experienced for an unpopular 19-year-old, with just the one friend, who she’s pointedly not attracted to. All-in-all, I was left feeling that the genre was muddled and the book could have done with either choosing to go YA to match its heroine or ageing it’s heroine to match it’s parental advisory rating.

Honestly, I could go on. I could get into the nitty-gritty of little things like “only a few minutes after Nikki left Saul finally got out of bed.” Well, if it’s only been a few minutes it doesn’t rise to a finally type scenarios, now does it? But I won’t. I think I’ve made my points. This could have been a good read, but it just wasn’t. And I really hate having to say that kind of thing.