Tag Archives: PNR

Eden’s Charms

Book Review of Eden’s Charms, by Jaclyn Tracey

Eden's CharmsI picked up a copy of Jaclyn Tracey’s Eden’s Charms from the Amazon free list.

Description from Goodreads:
Part-time archeologist and full-time enchantress, Savanah St. James unearthed the world’s most sought after antiquity, Draq’s lair. About to open an exhibit in one of the most famous museums in London, Savanah thought she’d finally found her pot of gold until one man crashed into her–literally. And there in lay her problem. Savanah had an audacious knack for finding love in all the wrong places. 

Living the dream, Ethan Kitt had it all–money in his pocket, his own plane, freedom to travel the world, and a boss whose only request was blood once a week. Waiting in line at customs, Ethan’s dream of a woman in every port sank when he laid his eyes on the one woman who would whip his furry hide into submission. 

In the midst of being hunted by the most notorious vamp alive, Ethan and Savanah scour the Eastern coastline from New York to Louisiana trying to find a way to trust their instincts and each other in order to survive.

Review:

I’ll give this a 2.5 out of 5 stars. Based on my own enjoyment, I would probably rate it lower, but objectively it probably isn’t worth less. The problem(s) I had with it largely resulted from repeat confusion. Most notably, there are far, far, far, FAR, FAAARRR far, far too many characters.

Seriously, who are these people? There were about a billion characters in this novel. Then to muddle things further we had all the twins/relations with similar names..Jovan, Jonah, Julian. Olivia, Oliver. Savannah, Serina. Donovan, Duncan, Dylan, Devon. Xier, Xanter, Xavier. Then throw in a few nicknames for these people–Serri, Ands, Jules or Savvy, Doc, Jeanie, Vanah and Savage (the last of which I think are all the same person, BTW. If you weren’t confused enough by the glut of characters and their names Savannah has 4 or 5 nicknames (Doc might have meant Serina, since about 60% through it was casually mentioned that she had a doctorate) that are used interchangeably.) I was so lost on who was who.

What’s more, characters just KEPT showing up, some with almost no introduction. (All the way until 80+%, new characters were popping up and even after that we had all the new babies to contend with. I shouldn’t be meeting characters in the last 20% of a book. I just shouldn’t.) Many of these characters played very little role in the book, so why include them? They just clutter everything up.

Off the top of my head, without referencing the book (so excuse the spellings): Radcliff, Edan, Dylan, Devon, James, Father B., Kyle, Sydney, William, Molly and Duncan (and an endless supply of named background minions) could all be dropped from the plot completely, without effecting it at all. They contributed nothing. A number of others could be dropped or combined with very little change in the overarching plotline. The 12 (17 by the end I think) person family, all living in one home, could easily…should easily be thinned out. It’s too much to keep track of in one book. Raven’s husbands, for example, didn’t seem to do anything but follow Lucian and Andre about, so why not just send Andre and Lucian. Payton and Jonah seemed surplus to requirements.

In this little rant on characters, I have mentioned almost twenty names, twenty-five if you count nicknames. And that’s not all of them. I mean, the hero isn’t even on that list. So, have you been able to keep track? I wasn’t.

I was also confused about people’s species. At first, my very real bewilderment was based on mixing two or more characters up because their names were so similar. Honestly, I had Julian and Jonah mixed up for at least 30% of the book. So, when things like, ‘so and so doesn’t have werewolf strength like his brother,’ was said, I was thinking, ‘but I thought so and so was a werewolf. He’s not? Is he a vampire then? Why has he lived 100+ years?’

Similarly, one primary character was turned into a vampire at about the same time and I had thought him a vampire from the beginning. Apparently, there are vampires, werewolves, witches and (blood) donators and they can all give you virtual immortality (I think). But I never got a handle on who was what. I never even got a good understanding of the rules…or the world for that matter.

I also thought that there were a lot of inconsistencies. Ethan is unflappable and mouthy as hell, even when being held hostage, for example. But not five pages earlier he was so frightened of the same people that he pissed himself. That’s right, I just said the hero peed on himself in fear. How not sexy is that? I’ll give it props for probably being more realistic than most PNR books, but it’s fantasy. I don’t want my hero peeing down his own leg.

Additionally, the man is a straight up idiot. But then all of a sudden the reader is supposed to believe he has a Ph.D in Anthropology and Archaeology. There is no way that man has a Ph.D. in anything but skirt chasing and happy hours. Little facts like this were dropped regularly with no substantiation. He’s also apparently claustrophobic. This too was just causally slipped into narration with nothing to support or explain it.

Another inconsistency also happens to be one of my least favourite sex related tropes. The 114 year old woman who’s supposed to be sexually active but never had an orgasim and apparently doesn’t know to expect one. I HATE this trope. Anytime I hear a female character going on about ‘Something’s happening to my body. I’m shaking from the inside out.’ I want to throw my kindle at the wall. Plus, she might as well have been a virgin for as protective of her as her father is. It didn’t fit the otherwise open and adult relationship she had with her family.

There is very little actual sex in the book, but about 85% of the book is CHEESY sexual innuendo, or sexual teasing, fantasies or challenges/promises. ‘Don’t worry Savage, I’m gonna bla bla bla as soon as we get home.’ The innuendo got old fast…like before the very, very long one on page one (and the subsequent pages) ended. I was grinding my teeth by the end.

How can anything happen if 85% of the book is dedicated to IQ melting euphemisms (seriously, his penis is referred to as a microphone at one point), you might ask. Well, easily it would seem. You see, all action is skipped over. Repeatedly, characters got drunk, drugged or passed out (Savannah has some neurological disorder that makes her faint at the drop of a hat) and then action from that missed time was related when they woke up. I don’t want to be told, ‘Daddy, Dracula attacked and took Ethan’, I want to see Dracula attack and Ethan BE taken. The end result was that the reader is given very little direct action. The ONLY things we get real time are Savanah and Ethan’s cringe-worthy flirting and family time. NO ACTION.

There were also a lot of little personal irritants, like “shook her head, yes” and “nodded his head, no.” That just drove me crazy. Her clitoras was referred to as her mons. They’re just not the same thing, sorry. I thought I might scream if I had to read ‘private lips’ one more time. Savanah was said to be in estrus, but wasn’t meant to be fertile.  Then there was the absolutely predictable ending with the super-sappy conclusion, in which everyone is unrealistically forgiven and accepted. Gag. These things might not bother others, but I got very close to reaching the limits of my patients.

I did like Ethan’s tendency to be completely anal about his cars. At first, I just thought it made him seem like more of a douche, but after a while I came to see it as one of the few true character developments in the book. So, there, I did like something.

The writing was basically fine. Names were used too often to feel natural. However, with so many characters the names are often necessary to know who’s talking to whom. However, I see this as a symptom of too many characters instead of an excuse for too frequent name usage. Other than that, it was mechanically passable and not horribly edited.

Another reviewer noted that this is the third book in a series. I discovered that after finishing the book, when I was checking to see if my impression matched that of other readers. (It doesn’t.) But I couldn’t find anything anywhere to say for sure that this is the case. (It’s not on the cover, in the description or in the title/subtitle, so no way to verify) I don’t know how normal readers are supposed to know then, seems kinda important.

Being third in a series MIGHT explain some of my confusion in reading this book, but I’m fairly sure it couldn’t clear it all up. It made me wonder if this wasn’t where the problem with the glut of characters came from though. Did the author feel the need to include every character from the previous books? It’s not necessary, really.

Anyhow, I’m glad to be done with it. I know others will enjoy it but I’ll not be seeking out the rest of the series.

Sorry, I know that’s long (almost 1400 words), but brevity was never my strong point.

vampire vacation

Book Review of Vampire Vacation, by C. J. Ellisson

Vampire VacationI picked up C. J. Ellisson‘s book, Vampire Vacation, from the KDP free list. It’s still free…probably perma-free.

Description from Goodreads:
Meet Vivian. She’s a 580-year-old vampire who exudes sex, has a talent for drama, and is passionate about two things: her human husband, Rafe, and their resort for the undead. Her ability to project physical illusions has created the perfect vacation spot-a dark, isolated Alaskan hideaway where visitors can have their wildest fantasies come true. 

Vivian knows the best performance requires perfect timing, but the powerful vamp is put to the test when she discovers a corpse in a locked guestroom minutes before the next arrivals. Always cool-headed, Rafe hides the body, convinced he and Vivian can find the culprit without disturbing their guests. Juggling the increasingly outrageous demands of their customers while tracking a killer isn’t easy. 

Will their poking and prodding give them the answers they need, or will it uncover secrets Vivian would kill to protect?

Review:
I moved this up my TBR after coming across a one-star Amazon review that was getting slammed with negative votes and derisive comments (198 at last count). I wanted to see what all the hubbub was about. (This, BTW, is a perfect example of a bad review gaining a book a reader. Just goes to show, bad reviews aren’t always bad for a book.)

My opinion? I wouldn’t call it one star worthy, but it’s not any great piece of literature either. Granted, it’s paranormal erotica, so who would expect great literature? But even for the genre it’s just fluff. Now, I enjoy a little fluff now and again. I do. So I’m not disparaging the book for this. But I will have to admit that it’s a pretty weak offering.

The problem is that the sex is too thick, even for an erotic book. At one point, the main characters have sex three separate times in a matter of hours. Now, given the time it takes to do the deed, cleanup (hopefully), redress and let the rubbery legs recuperate I have a hard time figuring out how they’re supposed to be getting anything else (like run an inn) done. Yes, I know it’s fantasy and I shouldn’t worry about the particulars, but i do.

That’s generally how the book felt. It was so cluttered with unnecessary and unrealistic sex (apparently no-one needs or expects foreplay, there isn’t any to be found) that the plot is forced to the side. I could almost see the poor thing trying to push itself to the surface on occasion, like a drowning victim in high seas. It would manage to peak out for a moment, only to be overcome by some ridiculous sexual foray, usually between Viv and Rafe but occasionally between a secondary character and Viv’s imagination. It was just a constant barrage on one sex-related activity, fantasy, comment, imagining, etc after another. The VV Inn felt very much like a bordello or a sex-retreat (do these have names?), but all of the guests felt too innocent to be there.

Then there is Viv, herself. I’m putting her in the too stupid to live category. She’s presented as if she’s unusually clever and strong, but she creates one ridiculous situation after another. Each time there is an excuse—I was so distracted by the blood I couldn’t think straight or I was so hopped up on werewolf blood I was distracted, etc—but after a while the excuses start to feel like just that, an excuse to cover her obvious lack of intelligence.

Though it was a bit heavy handed (we’re told about a million times how much they love/desire one another), I did appreciate the obvious affection between Viv and Rafe. It was nice to see a solid, loyal married couple with no desire to give in to the temptation to wander.

The writing itself was simplistic but fine, though names did crop up a bit too often to read smoothly. It’s in first person, present tense (which I HATE, hate, hate) but it’s not too badly edited and there aren’t too many cringe-worthy passages. All in all, it’s a little on the cheesed up side, Vivian being too focused on her own sexual prowess (teaching the guest SMBD, for example) to feel serious about much of anything else. She felt self-centred and conceited. I loved Rafe, Jon and Asa but not Viv, if I’m honest. If I found the rest of the series free, I’d read it. But I’m not racing out to put my money on the table for it.

Dark Indiscretions

Book Review of Dark Indiscretions (Dark Indiscretions #1), by Shakuita Johnson

Dark IndiscretionsI downloaded a copy of Dark Indiscretions, by Shakuita Johnson, from the Amazon free list. 

Description from Goodreads:
What happens when your whole family is scarier than any nightmare and you have no desire to be anything like them? Do you stay and go along with the family plans or do you rebel and have them possibly turn their viciousness on you?

Jennifer Johnston experiences first hand why whispers are spoken in the dark about her species’ being evil when she was just a century old. What should have been another family dinner spent arguing over why she didn’t want to keep the bloodlines “pure” by being married off to her older brother turned into a nightmare and left her with more than tortured memories.

Jackson Dawls and Taylor Durham had been pack mates, best friends, and the other’s mate for as long as they could remember. They were a deadly species all their own but even they feared the Mystics and their overly cruel and barbaric ways, but unforeseen circumstances bring them face to face with not one but a few. Will there lives be in danger or is something great and unexpected awaiting them?

They also have to stay under the radar of the human society that is set out to destroy those they believe to be “Tarnished” and a danger to mankind.

When the three meet long ago secrets are brought to the light. Secrets no one but Jennifer knew. Not only do they have to learn to get along with each other because they are fated, someone is also stalking Jennifer and preforming sinister acts without her being any the wiser.

Jennifer must seek guidance from old acquaintances and form alliances with those she never thought she would. She is met with riddles and startling revelations that she never would have imagined possible.

Will they accept their fates and work together or will old fears destroy their lives? Will Jennifer be able to reclaim what was taken from her right from under her nose?

Review:
Years ago, when my husband and I were young and had time for such things, we used to enjoy something called Good Wine/Bad Movie night. It was exactly as the name implies. We would take turns picking out a good bottle of wine and a bad movie. The idea being the better the wine was, the worse the movie could be. We had a lot of fun on such nights. You couldn’t take the drack we were watching seriously (serious B grade sci-fi was a favourite), but when paired with high quality alcohol you would have been laughing at it too. It was fun.

If Dark Indiscretions was a movie, it would have been a prime contender to pair with an excellent Côtes de Bordeaux. It’s bad. I mean, really bad. I wish I used star ratings here so that I could say that the only reason I’m not giving this a one star is because it’s so bad it trips over into the ‘so super-bad it’s funny’ category and since I’m the sort who enjoys staying awake to watch the cheesy late-night fantasy fair I actually got a kick out of this.

I cringed at the writing. The dialogue just about killed me. The plotting was a disaster. The editing was MIA. The character development was nonexistent. The sex was brutally blunt, brusque even. The POVs and tenses were erratic at best. But it was like a train wreck I just couldn’t look away from. Not once did I consider putting it down and not finishing it. I was too busy being amused at it’s horridness.

I highlighted a number of examples that I had intended to include here, but I think at this point it might just seem cruel. Instead, I’ll link to my Amazon highlights. And despite my assertion that the book is a rolling disaster, I’d still recommend it to people like me who enjoy a good cheese-fest on occasion, maybe a little WTFery thrown in on the side. This is the book for you.