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Confessions of a Virgin Sacrifice

Book Review of Adrianne Ambrose’s Confessions of a Virgin Sacrifice

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Confessions of a Virgin SacrificeI grabbed Adrianne Ambrose‘s Confessions of a Virgin Sacrifice off of the KDP free list. At the time of posting it appears to still be free.

I occasionally comment on covers, usually just if I love or hate them. I don’t think I’ve ever made mention of the designer/artist, but this one is just too great to not comment on. It’s witty, funny, and the main reason I picked the book up in the first place. It was apparently done by Ted Naifeh. Well done, I say. Well done.

Description from Amazon:

Sound the alarm! Saddle the horses! Wake up the village elders! The Sacrificial Virgin has escaped!

Jezebelle’s voluptuous cousin Dizeray is slated for a sacrificial swan dive into the local volcano. Not if Jez can help it! She plots to rescue her cousin and find an eager candidate to ‘disqualify’ Diz from being this year’s Virgin Sacrifice. But things to horribly wrong and now the gals are on the run with the furious Village Elders in hot pursuit!

Jez sweeps her cousin on a whirlwind adventure through the jungle and beyond with nothing but her sardonic wit and bronze brassiere at her disposal. Along the way the two Glamazons attract a motley cast of characters including a brooding barbarian with a decidedly un-heroic phobia, an ill-tempered troll looking for love, and a deadly blue wolf with a soft spot for Jezebelle.

This unlikely troupe stumbles head first into one wacky adventure after another, encountering love, magic, monsters and mayhem. Throughout their travels, Jez untangles clues to her True Destiny. She discovers a Forbidden Secret that threatens to unravel the very fabric of her word–or at least ruin her day.

This saucy off-beat romp will keep you laughing as you follow Jez and her friends on their first adventure.

Review:

“I don’t believe in virgin sacrifice.  It encourages promiscuity at an early age.” How’s that for a first line? Great right? Or how about this one a few pages later? “Besides, she had large breasts, a trait frequently mistaken for beauty.” Yep, that one got a laugh out of me too. Confessions of a Virgin Sacrifice is not a book to be taken seriously. It is a rip-roaring good time, but utterly and completely absurd. The main character, Jezebelle, is a paragon of dauntless sarcasm, but her wit often highlights urbane truths. It’s a hoot. I lost track of how many passages I highlighted just because they were so funny. 

Be that as it may, she wasn’t my favourite aspect of the book. That would be Thor and Tul’s bemused side comments. I could easily imagine the bewildered look on their faces as they tried to figure out the actions of others. Priceless. 

I was thrown off on occasion by modern references. There I was reading along and  visualising the characters as Conan the Barbarian or Red Sonia types, maybe even Beast Master and then the author would throw in a Mason jar or a frilly lacy pillow. What!? I couldn’t quite reconcile their presence in the narrative. 

The book is quite short and ends on a cliffhanger, though I don’t know if another is planned. I almost hope one isn’t. I really enjoyed this book. It works, but I could see the joke getting old if drug out for too long. I’d hate to see that happen. It’s a gem just as it is. If you’re looking for a laugh give this one a try. That awesome parody on the cover ought to give you an idea of what you’d be in for. 

The Seraph Contingency

Book Review of Jennifer Fales’ The Seraph Contingency

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Author, Jennifer Fales, sent me a copy of her novel The Seraph Contingency.

Description from Amazon:
The best adventure is the one you never expected: When Anael, a beautiful angel bored out of her gourd, sneaks through the Pearly Gates and lands in the only dive bar in Purgatory looking for excitement, she gets a bit more than she bargained for. Abducted courtesy of a devious demonic Duchess seeking to expand her wardrobe, she finds herself tortured, driven slightly mad and bereft of her wings. Rescue comes in the guise of Gaap, a reluctant guardian and hero who’s been asked to do a favor. He’s a powerful demon with a libido, a nagging conscience and some very interesting tattoos who gets paid to transport artifacts and beings safely in and out of Hell. What was meant to be a short trip to an inter-dimensional Safe House ends up being hi-jacked by a disaffected teenager turned bungling Satanist, stranding them briefly in Southern California. Then things really start to get weird in this twisted action packed fairytale turned inadvertent love story.

Review:
The Seraph Contingency is absolutely absurd, in the best possible way. The plot, all of the character, the setting, and almost everything that comes out of Anael’s mouth are all designed to send the reader’s mind cartwheeling off the beaten path. Nothing is held sacred in this book. Ms. Fales manages to make a mockery of Christianity’s hierarchy of angels, Satanism, ancient Greek mythology, the honourable tradition of K-pop music (not to mention Styx), public transit, and questionable fashion. But amongst all of the irreverence runs a good natured thread of humour. You can’t help but love Anael (crazy as she is), feel sorry for Gaap’s exasperation, root for the Duchess and bounce on your pins and needles to see what shenanigans the others might throw out next. There are a whole host of interesting side characters to choose from. If you’re looking for a serious read, I wouldn’t recommend this one. But if you have a few hours to spend alone (cause others might think you a little odd for laughing to yourself too often in public) this is one worth picking up.

As an aside I happened to notice on Goodreads that the author is currenlty running a giveaway. It ends Feb. 21st. So, why not go here and try to win a copy for yourself. 

The Henchmen's Book Club

Book Review of Danny King’s The Henchmen’s Book Club

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I grabbed Danny King‘s novel, The Henchmen’s Book Club off of the KDP list.

Description from Goodreads:
Mark Jones is a henchman for hire. He guards bunkers, patrols perimeters and stands around in a boiler suit waiting to get knocked out by Ninjas. This is his job.

In his time he’s worked for some of the most notorious super villains the world has ever known – Doctor Thalassocrat, Victor Soliman, Polonius Crump; Mark was with each of them when they met their makers at the hands of British Secret Service super-spy, Jack Tempest and lived to tell the tale – if not pay the bills.

Still for every hour under gunfire there are weeks if not months of sitting around on monorails so Jones starts a book club with his fellow henchmen to help pass the time.

It was only meant to be a bit of fun.

It was never meant to save the world.

Review:
Ok, that was some funny shit right there. This was the first Danny King book I’d ever read, but I’m 100% sure it won’t be the last. I think I laughed the whole way through. It even improved my mood after having a spat with my other half. It takes a lot to do that, but The Henchmen’s Book Club was up to the task.
Mark Jones is an Affiliate, a henchman for hire, and a good one at that. He’s managed to survive far longer than many in an undeniably deadly job. It seems every Goldfinger wannabe has a few piranha tanks or hungry alligators about. He’s also a man after my own heart, a dedicated bibliophile. He likes to read and, surprisingly, finds a number of other henchmen do too. Thus is born The Book Club. They read good books. I had to look more than one of the titles up in order to get the reference. I did occasionally wonder where all the books came from, but really didn’t find that a point worth too much worry.

The American and British special agents are pure amusement. Though I am just a tad ashamed to come from the same homeland as Rip Dunbar. What a tool! I love that their personalities are so very different, but still falling within the same character archetype.

I highly recommend picking this one up. There are a few missing words here and there. King even acknowledges that in the afterward. I didn’t find it particularly distracting though. Definitely not enough to change my opinion of the book.