Tag Archives: romance

Book Reveiw: Captured by the Alien Savage, by Marina Maddix & Flora Dare

Captured by the Alien Savage, by Marina Maddix & Flora Dare was a freebie on Amazon. I’ve had it for a couple months, but I picked it up and it read now because I recently noticed that all the alien romances seem to feature blue aliens. On a lark I did a quick google search and came up with more than 50 of them. I even wrote a half joking blog post about it. I ended that post with the question, “…where’s my chartreuse alien, or mauve, or red?” Well, given that two days later I happened across a, I kid you not, pink alien romance in my TBR, I had to read it.

Description from Goodreads:
Just when I think nothing else could go wrong…I see her. 

My crew and I are on a desperate mission hunting a villain, but he’s always one step ahead. Now we’re stuck in orbit over a primitive planet called ‘Earth’ without enough fuel to get us home. And worst of all, every last one of us is about to go into heat. 

That’s bad. Very bad. 

Our only hope of survival lies somewhere on the surface. I can’t afford any distractions, least of all a beautiful, curvy human female who my body tells me is my fated mate, my amavar. But that’s impossible! My mate can’t be human… can she?

Review:
I think…no, I’m fairly sure that this MUST be parody. And as parody it’s pretty good. It’s hilarious even. I mean he’s a hot pink (occasionally flushing to purple) alien stud who features a penis, with a retractable carapace, that when unleashed swells in the middle, vibrates AND GYRATES. He can even use it as a homing device to find his mate, literally being let by his cock. They fuel their ship on diet coke and have to return home quickly or they’ll all go into a mating frenzy and kill each other. It’s like all the normal alien erotica tropes on steroids. As parody I call it a success. If someone wrote this to be serious….um, sorry.

Love and Legend

Book Review of Love and Legend, by Vanessa Lennox

I picked up a copy of Vaessa Lennox‘s Love and Legend when it was free on Amazon.

Description from Goodreads:
Jules Flannery makes everyone feel better. It’s a gift. But this particular gift just may get her killed.

The day of the funeral, Jules is assaulted and loses Uncle Charles’ urn to the thief. Her Uncle’s odd last request offers Jules an unexpected new beginning. Jules, a sweet but accident-prone art teacher, and Bingham, a terse and potentially dangerous Navy SEAL, must unravel, and ultimately fulfill, their part in an ancient prophecy. Villains are out to orchestrate their own nefarious interpretation. The two lovers face Gallic and English thugs, coax a troubled boy out of his gloom, and discover that they have a strange and powerful connection. Their mission: find an Arthurian artifact kings have coveted for 1500 years. The trick is to not get killed in the process.

Love and Legend breathes contemporary life, dangerous action, cookie baking, and steamy love scenes into the myths surrounding King Arthur’s era.

Review:
Sigh. This was not a winner for me. It started off well….Or rather, the writing started out really staccato and stiff, but got better (except for the persistent over-use of names in dialogue)…But the plot started out well and quickly got worse. The action, by which I kind of mean the plot, doesn’t really start until about 80% into the book. Everything up to that point is two people flirting badly and Jules being overly perky and too mommsy, cute and perfect. Then, once the h/H get together, it’s just an endless barrage of “I love yous,” “you’re perfects” and sex/kissing. Which might be ok if this was erotica. But all the sex is fade to black, so its just sexual inferences on repeat. God, I got so tired of it. Though I did have to appreciate that Jules was comfortable with her own sexuality and there was no angst or shame about her pursuing sex and the author didn’t make her a virgin. That’s refreshing.

Then, in the last 20 or so percent of the book, when the action picks up everything is solved in a matter of paragraphs. Each challenge barely has time to develop before it’s overcome, so there is no tension in it. Even the big, final climax happens off page!

There are a number of plot holes, most of them coming down to solving problems too easily. Example, a man who doesn’t technically have custody of his nephew arranges his wife-to-be to adopt the nephew from the state in less than a day, somehow without the state representative knowing. Or how about just how he has the nephew in the first place? As a 10 year veteran of children’s services, let me tell you, if you snatch a child from a foster parent the police are coming for you IMMEDIATELY. They are putting you in jail. They aren’t sending snooty employees out to check on you and the child. And they aren’t allowing you to arrange his adoption by someone else. They SURE aren’t letting you do that without background and household checks, interviews, a waiting period and extensive paperwork that has to go through a dozen people, all of whom let it sit on their desk for weeks before sending it on. This is just one example, but the book frequently glazes over things that should take time and effort as if it doesn’t

And can I just address the ‘everyone wants to impregnate Jules’ aspect of this book? Why does every man want her so badly? We’re told they do and we’re certainly shown it. (It’s just one more aspect of her too perfect to be believed persona.) But why? It’s not really explained or shown as pertinent to the events of the plot. And why does her whole purpose in that plot need to be about being desired by men and bearing a child? WHY? And that’s before I get to why does Bingham know more about her and her body and abilities than she does? Why does she need a man to explain it to her? That drives me crazy in a female character! He can understand her body but she can’t? Do better authors. Women aren’t that stupid and men aren’t that all-knowing.

This is one of those books I keep trying to come up for a concise name for. We all know a Mary Sue character when we see one (and Jules is definitely one). We all recognize a Marty Stu (Bingham is pretty close). But what is it called when the whole book has an innocent, too perfect to be tolerated feel to it? It’s so stagnatingly sweet it makes your teeth hurt. People hug and kiss each other constantly and compliment each other so often it’s distracting. What do you call that? Whatever it is, this book is it. And I’ve not found a single such book I truly enjoy because it always strikes me as amateurish.

Outside the names in dialogue, the writings not too bad, some of it’s genuinely funny (though some of the attempts at humor miss the mark) and I love that cover. But I’m afraid I can’t overlook all the aspects of the book that grated on me.

Good Bones

Book Review of Good Bones (Bones #1), by Kim Fielding

I downloaded Kim Fielding‘s Good Bones from Dreamspinner Press.

Description from Goodreads:
Skinny, quiet hipster Dylan Warner was the kind of guy other men barely glanced at until an evening’s indiscretion with a handsome stranger turned him into a werewolf. Now, despite a slightly hairy handicap, he just wants to live an ordinary—if lonely—life as an architect. He tries to keep his wild impulses in check, but after one too many close calls, Dylan gives up his urban life and moves to the country, where he will be less likely to harm someone else. His new home is a dilapidated but promising house that comes with a former Christmas tree farm and a solitary neighbor: sexy, rustic Chris Nock.

Dylan hires Chris to help him renovate the farmhouse and quickly discovers his assumptions about his neighbor are inaccurate—and that he’d very much like Chris to become a permanent fixture in his life as well as his home. Between proving himself to his boss, coping with the seductive lure of his dangerous ex-lover, and his limited romantic experience, Dylan finds it hard enough to express himself—how can he bring up his monthly urge to howl at the moon?

Review:
When I first finished Good Bones, my initial thoughts was, “Aww, that was sweet.” I was happy with the read. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how cliched the representation of the rural poor was in Chris—uneducated, goalless, ambition-less, loose, lonely, and apparently desperate to be someone’s wife or equivalent. The more I pondered it, the more it bothered me and the less pleased I was with the book. Not every country person, even poor country people, is the child of a single, alcoholic, drug addicted whore. Suddenly, the whole book looked a little cliched and shallow.

In this new light, though the story was still sweet in the end, I realized not much actually happened and, while Chris was shown to be wonderful, I couldn’t figure out what he saw in Dylan, who didn’t have much character beyond hipster-archetect-werewolf.

I liked the book well enough as a fluffy little read, but just don’t think too deeply about it.