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Agent I1 Tristan

Book Review: Agent I1: Tristan (The D.I.R.E. Agency #1), by Joni Hahn

Agent I1

I downloaded Joni Hahn‘s Agent I1: Tristan (The D.I.R.E. Agency #1) from the Amazon free list. At the time of posting, it is still free.

Description from Goodreads:
Credentials:
• Second generation Former Navy SEAL
• DIRE’s top agent
Enhancements:
• Teleportation
• Invisibility

Raised in the art of warfare, Former Navy SEAL, Tristan Jacobs, has always been a force to reckon with. Now that D.I.R.E. has successfully implemented his scientific enhancements, he’s a walking weapon. Unstoppable, as long as he stays focused. No relationships.

When ex-BUD/S teammate, Aidan Monroe, interrupts his long-awaited sabbatical to call in a favor, Tristan reluctantly fills the simple request: take out his sister’s fiancé.

One problem: Rachel Monroe – smokin’ hot, kind-hearted, and in desperate need of a protector. After the best sex of his life, Tristan’s afraid unstoppable is just a memory. Knowing Aidan’s temper, Tristan could be, too.

Rachel Monroe had a plan to help her mother. Her brother ruined everything when his gorgeous, super-agent friend teleported her to some forsaken island – and his bed. She’s drawn to him despite the fact he’s a professional agent, much like the people suspected of killing her father. 

Now, his enemies have come to her small town, looking for vengeance. 

Have they found more than they bargained for? Or, does the past have its own retribution in mind?

Review:
Here’s the perfect way to describe the forgetableness of this book. Last night I finished a book and went to bed, with the intention of reviewing it this morning. This morning, I took my Kindle to the gym and started this book while on the stationary bike. When I got home, I reviewed the book I finished last-night and then sat down to look at my Kindle Collections to pick out what to read next, completely forgetting that I had started and read 30% of this book already. It made that little of an impression. When I finally remembered having already started it, I sat down to finish it up.

Now, don’t misunderstand me. I’m not necessarily saying it was a bad book. I’m sure we’ve all read those books that we don’t love, but we don’t hate either. They’re like cotton candy—a shot of sweetness that you can only savour for a moment and then leaves very little memory of itself. Yep, that’s what this book was like. 

Seeing the emotionless Tristan become attached to someone was nice. The fact that Rachel wasn’t a complete pushover was appreciable. Her ultra-protective brother was fun. There were plenty of ‘aww’ moments and the sex was pretty mild. 

However, quite a lot of the plot was just skimmed over or just plain unbelievable. For example, I’m still unsure why Aidan called Tristan to guard Rachel in the first place, other than that he disliked her fiancé. That seems a little extreme. As far as I can tell there was no actual risk to Rachel that Aidan would have been trying to protect her against. 

There is also a lot of history between the older generation of characters that isn’t explored. The science isn’t well explained. And the romance is lightning fast. It isn’t insta-love, but within a matter of a day or so Tristan and Rachel fall madly in love and are willing to essentially throw their established lives away to be together. It too seems a bit extreme. 

For a quick, fluffy read, this is worth picking up. If you’re looking for great literature….um, it probably won’t fit the bill. It does actually end, though. Yes, that’s right, no cliffhanger!

Chipping away at the erotic short story shelf

I keep saying that I don’t read short stories, but I’m apparently a liar, because I seem to download a whole heck of a lot of them. Today I made an effort to read a few and chose erotica as the theme. Be warned, some of these are not for the faint of heart. Then again, some of them turned out not to be erotic at all, just incredibly sweet.  Most of them came from the Amazon free list and may still be free.

Serpentine TongueSerpentine Tongue, by Kayden McLeod

Eh, it was OK I suppose. I imagine some people will really enjoy it. Personally, I found it to be a continuous string of painful fantasy & romance clichés. I found myself cringing after a while. But I’ll be the first to admit these tropes are so frequently used because people generally like them. So there will be a subset of readers who are thrilled to see so many of them together in one place. I’m just not one of them.

I did very much appreciate that Siobhan was a truly strong female lead. She was equally as strong as the male leads; certainly, she was given more time to demonstrate her strength. There was one fairly mild ménage scene (the only sex in the story) that I liked well enough. I even liked all three of them…I think.

I say I think because they all felt a little shallow and could have done with a little depth. I also found some of the language stiff. Part of this was the effect of ‘fantasy language.’ Yes, I made that phrase up, but I imagine any frequent reader of high fantasy will recognise what I mean. The fae always seem to be written to sound posh, for example. But some of it was just stilted writing.

All in all, I don’t consider this one a fail, but I’m not rushing out to find out if there is a sequel either.

The Dragon and the WolfThe Dragon and the Wolf (Things in the Night), by Mandy Rosko

This was almost good. It started off well and remained good for about 2/3 of it. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, the pace skyrocketed, the romance popped into existence out of the ethers apparently, there was an almost sex scene (or rather, there was sex just no sex scene, leaving me feeling cheated) and then the whole thing just ended. It felt very much like the first couple chapters of a longer piece, as opposed to an actual short story.

I could try and excuse it as a prequel, but it’s not the first in the series and the sequel is about another couple entirely. This suggests to me that there isn’t to be much more of Westley and Chris’ story, even if they do happen to be in the next book.

The writing seemed pretty good, but it’s a teaser at best.

Debasement

Debasement (His Nemesis #1), by Jack Brighton

In theory I thought the dirty debasement promised in book would be hot, but the reality of it…or rather the reality of reading it was more than I could actually stomach. It was everything it promised, true—rough, kinky, abusive, and at some points arousing. But I just couldn’t get down with spitting in your partners face during sex, and other such not sexy things (even if the MC was a dislikable character). I may have liked it if it hadn’t been taken quite so far. This is of course a personal line. But I found that this one way overstepped mine and I didn’t particularly enjoy it.

Pharon's DemonPharon’s Demon, by Anne Marsh

This is not a book to be taken seriously, not at all. I mean really, a female pirate who likes to get caught…because being caught apparently equals sex. I guess it never occurred to anyone to just shoot thieves. Go figure. It’s ridiculous. Having said that, it’s supposed to be and when taken with the appropriate truck load of salt it’s a lot of fun. I noticed a few typos and at 38 pages it’s not very long, but it was an enjoyable quickie. 

On an unrelated side note, except for the fact that this short was apparently later expanded into a longer piece involving cats, I have no clue what the lion on the cover is about. There’s not a single cat in the book.

Hazing MoonHazing Moon, by Layla Cole

I was surprised by this one. I had VERY low expectations, but ended up enjoying it. Despite one character being blindfolded and tied to a pole it managed to avoid feeling like (or being) rape. Amazing that. I liked Christopher’s shyness as well as his dominant streak. Hard to imagine the two in the same person, but it worked. I got less of a feel for Logan, but liked what I saw. It well written and fairly well edited.

I do have a complaint about it being the first in a series. I seriously dislike serial short stories. If you’re going to write the pages anyway, why no just publish it as a book so I don’t have to buy each chapter? When it comes down to it, that’s what I see a short story series as—a book you have to pay each time you want the next chapter. The fact that it’s called an instalment is just semantics, IMO. I refuse to buy subsequent chapters on principle. Then again, it’s possibly a stretch to call this a chapter even, it’s more like a 29 page scene and little more.

Something SweetSomething Sweet, by Megan Derr

This was a very short, very sweet clean M/M read. I enjoyed it. There were quite a few editorial errors—swapped names, missing words, etc. But they didn’t detract from the “awww” effect any, or how much I liked Sherlock and Basil. They were like shy little boys all grown up…ok, that’s exactly what they were. But it was still fun to see. It passed a pleasant 20 minutes. This wasn’t the first Megan Derr story I’ve encountered and enjoyed and I expect it won’t be the last, especially if she keeps them on the free list.

Colour Wielders

Book Review of Colour Wielders (Colour Wielders, #1), by Dawna Raver

Colour Wielders

I received an ecopy of Dawna Raver‘s novel, Colour Wielders from the Story Cartel.

Description from Goodreads:
Warning: This book is not your mother’s fantasy. It’s a modern story with a sexy alpha male who’s tired of waiting for what he wants. Once he gets her, he’s not afraid to take on the Universe to keep her. Don’t let the cover fool you. This book is hot!

Behind the Faerying Mysts, hidden from Mortal eyes, is a land where gods and creatures of myth and legend dwell. And in the Mortal Realm, their Princess is hidden away.

Quinn Sinclair lives an ordinary life with her less-than-loving mother in Conifer, Colorado, clueless of her true nature. On the night of her birthday, a staggering betrayal sends her life spinning out-of-control. As she struggles to pick up the pieces, a vision of a man with haunting tourmaline-blue eyes begs her for help, and she is transported into a Magykal battle-forever changing her life.

Arik Morgaine-Demigod bad boy and outcast of the Magykal Realm-tried to avoid contact with Princess Quinn for eighteen years, not wanting to make good on an old threat. But the fates have other plans. Arik can no longer deny his growing desire for Quinn, or the need to protect her from those wanting to control her burgeoning powers. Can the two of them come together and save the Magykal Realm from being destroyed by the Darkest of Magyks?

Review:

I have to be honest; I didn’t care for this book. Having finished it, I feel like the whole thing could be condensed into a discourse on who’d had sex with Quinn and who retained the rights to have sex with her in the future. Honestly, who cares? How could it possibly be such a big deal?

Now, maybe I’m just not the right demographic for this book. But I’m not sure who is. Some parts of it felt very YA and then other parts not at all. Quinn was supposed to be 22, but a HUGE deal was made of  losing her virginity (seriously it happened in chapter one and was still being harped on about in the last chapter), she constantly said effin’ instead of the F-word and she just basically she felt like a stroppy teenager (crying, storming around, slamming doors, etc) Many of the other characters however felt much more adult, as did those parts of the book not dedicated to Quinn. The end result is that sometimes I felt like I was reading a Harry Potter wannabe and then language like, “Nothing like a tight fuck. Know what I mean?” would be thrown in. It was really disconcerting. 

None if it was helped by the weird mishmash of modern English slang and mythical words. Not to mention the relentless and largely unnatural pop references—Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Disney, Rambo, The Simpsons, South Park, The Exorcist, Spider Man, and many more.

Those aren’t my main complaints, however. My primary gripe was what a pitiful heroine Quinn made. She was ostensibly the main character, but she didn’t DO anything.  She took no initiative. NONE! She spent most of the book either crying or lying in bed. The very few times she was even active was in reaction to something, not because she engaged her mind, made a decision and chose to do something, but because she was being chased or kidnapped. Other than occasionally reacting in a childish manner and storming out a door, I don’t think she perpetrated a single purposeful action. She was nothing more than the Maypole the men danced around—limp, passive and wimpy. She did less than nothing for me. 

There were some good parts. Like the time Quinn and her brother insisted people stop calling her ‘The Princess,’ because it depersonalised her. It made me want to pump my fist in the air and say, “Thank you, at least someone gets it.” But such moments were buried in the painfully repetitive narrative, too frequent use of names, annoying italicisations and my constant confusion (especially in the beginning). I spent a lot of time being confused by the racing pace of events interspersed with molasses slow sappy scenes.

So, while I know no book can be for everyone, I also know I have no real desire to continue this series. Or more accurately, I wouldn’t mind knowing how the whole thing concludes, but I’m not willing to sit through any more of Quinn’s whiney, limp-wristed, lacklustre reactions to find out. Any character who can be told, ‘Oh, BTW your mom is a Goddess, your dad’s the fairy king and a big bad sorcerer wants to use you to take over the world’ without even an eyebrow twitch, let alone a serious WTF response isn’t enough of a character to interest me.