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The Accidental Alchemist

Book Review of The Accidental Alchemist, by Gigi Pandian

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The Accidental AlchemistI received a review ARC of Gigi Pandian‘s The Accidental Alchemist from Netgalley. (Isn’t that a great cover?)

Description from Goodreads:
When Zoe Faust–herbalist, alchemist, and recent transplant to Portland, Oregon–begins unpacking her bags, she can’t help but notice she’s picked up a stow away: a living, breathing, three-and-half-foot gargoyle. Dorian Robert-Houdin is no simple automaton, nor is he a homunculus; in fact, he needs Zoe’s help to decipher a centuries-old text that explains exactly what he is. Zoe, who’s trying to put her alchemical life behind her, isn’t so sure she can help. But after a murder victim is discovered on her front porch, Zoe realized she’s tangled up in ancient intrigue that can’t be ignored.

Review:
I’ll admit that the writing in this book is generally readable and, even though I had an ARC, the editing wasn’t worth comment. The problem was that I was simply bored throughout the whole thing…that and I became increasingly annoyed with the food references.

Because I can’t be bothered to give the book any more of my time by counting myself, I’m going to quote another reviewer here. “I did a quick word count and the “cook/ed/ing” was mentioned 79 times. SEVENTY-NINE-BRAIN-NUMBING-TIMES.” I’m not exaggerating when I say that at least, AT LEAST, 50% of the book is dedicated to what Dorian is cooking or what type of smoothie Zoe is making. And it gets worse.

I assume I’m not the only person who has that one friend who is a health nut and constantly trying to convert his/her (in my case her) friends to ‘the lifestyle.’ Zoe is this friend and I liked finding her in a book I was reading for fun even less than having soy milk, non-caff, chai lattes with my own real life fad eater friend.

None of Zoe’s healthy eating lectures felt natural. What it felt like Vegan/crossfirwas the author taking an opportunity to use her book as a soapbox. (There are even recipes in the back! How is that relevant in a fantasy novel?) All of which is annoying, yes, but it was also detrimental to the book. Because when, for example, three kids are missing and it’s imperative they be found quickly, all of the tension and buildup evaporates when the main character stops to make herself a quick smoothie, noting of course that she added extra chia seeds for the energy boost.

Further, when half the book is dedicated to food descriptions and another 20 or so percent dedicated to lectures on healthy eating and the benefits of certain herbs and such, there is very little book left for plot, character development and world building. So, let me address this here. There isn’t any of the last two.

There is no character development. To call them flat is an understatement. There is also no world-building. Zoe is just a random Alchemist in an otherwise, presumably, average America. What little plot there is is WEAK. The romance comes out of nowhere and has no basis. The mystery might as well have been a series of random events broken up by a series of silly and unbelievable Poirot/Jessica Fletcher/Columbo style ‘investigating.’ And the little bit of Zoe’s past that is revealed is just thrown in willy-nilly for no apparent reason.

Lastly, and as an admittedly pedantic point, a gargoyle is designed as a waterspout, having a trough for water to flow through. I don’t believe Dorian is meant to have one. It’s never mentioned in his description. Thus, wouldn’t he be a chimera or a boss?

So, for a super-food freak who likes to revel in their obsessive eating issues like others roll with religion, this book is a must-read. For the rest of us, you know, normalish people…I wish I hadn’t bothered.

Book Review of The First Three Rules (My Brother’s Keeper, #1), by Adrienne Wilder

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My Brother's KeeperI grabbed The First Three Rules (My Brothers Keeper, #1), by Adrienne Wilder, from the Amazon KDP free list.

Description from Goodreads:
Marshal Jon Foster lost his purpose and his sanity the day he saw the image of his dead brother. The distraction saved Jon’s life but cost the lives of innocent people including his best friend and partner. It was a price for survival Jon couldn’t live with and was sure he’d never understand. 

Driven by grief and guilt he tried to escape his past by fleeing to a small town in the middle of nowhere. Only instead of peace, the memories festered. Then the offer of a stick of gum from a stranger changes Jon’s life and puts him on a road out of the nightmare he’s trapped in. 

Ellis Harper has lived the past twenty years isolated from the outside world and sole caretaker for his mentally disabled brother, Rudy. While Ellis loves his brother, he longs for a life he’ll never be able to have. Shut away, his days consist of chores, endless cartoons, and games of Go Fish. A world that seemed to have no end until an innocent misunderstanding turns Ellis and his brother into a target for a town bully. 

It’s a fight Ellis can never win on his own but thanks to a chance meeting with a stranger, he doesn’t have to. What begins as a new journey in love for both men quickly unfolds into something neither of them could have ever imagined.

Review:
I think this is a case of finding the right reader. Though the book could have done with a little more editing, it was fairly well written and Jon, Ellis and Rudy were likeable characters. (Even if Ellis could have easily been a woman. He acted much like a typical virginal het romance lead.) So there are a lot of reasons for people to like this book.

However, it turns out not to fall in my preferred reading arena. The main reason is that I’m not particularly turned on by the whole clumsy first timer trope. Virgins who looks at their partners with big innocent eyes and ask things like, ‘What do I do?’ and say things like, ‘but I want to make it good for you.’ do nothing for me. In fact, all the gentle instruction sex turns me off. It’s at all not my kink, so to speak. I know some readers love this stuff, but I’m not one of them. This made it hard for me to really appreciate this book.

As for the rest of the plot, the supernatural aspect of it is VERY light. Maybe it picks up in the rest of the series, but there is very little of it here. There is insta-love and then a lot of convenient events pushing the characters together, but it’s all very sweet, if you like that sort of thing. It’s also a little on the unbelievable side. But again, if you like the sort of thing, it’s not too bad.

I would have given this a solid three stars until I reached then end and the stupid, precipitous cliffhanger. Grrr. For the right reader, this will probably be a big winner.

Man and the Beast

Book Review of Man and the Beast (The Beast Within #1), by J. Ashburn

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Man and the BeastI downloaded a copy of Man and the Beast, by J. Ashburn, from the Amazon free list. At the time of posting it was still free.

Description from Goodreads:
Alec Ashcroft is afraid. Afraid of himself, the black outs, the hunger, and of what he might be capable of doing. See, Alec is a shifter, a wolf and he doesn’t know how to control his extraordinary power. Refusing to put his boyfriend Matt or his family at risk, Alec runs away from everything. He must protect others from his dark side and hopefully find the answers he’s been seeking all of his life.

The town of Redfern seemed the perfect escape, lots of forest land and animals to hunt, until Alec met Luca. Dark, seductive, sexy, Luca is like Alec and the scent of him drives Alec wild. He shows Alec how to control and use his power to his advantage and soon Luca exerts his allure over him. The two become entwined in a passionate and wild relationship with Luca even inviting him to join his pack high up in the mountains above town. Is this enigmatic new stranger to be trusted or is there something more sinister going on? All Alec wants to believe is that he’s finally found someone to calm the Beast Within.

Review:
Meh. Not wholly bad, but clumsy and uninspiring. Nothing is particularly well fleshed out. For example, the book starts with Alec in a longterm, committed relationship. He has lived with his boyfriend for years and loves him. However, he leaves when he fears he’ll hurt him. He is attracted to the first man he sees in his new town, then immediately falls in lust with the first other werewolf he meets and then when he discovers he is evil, he immediately falls in love with another (and I mean IMMEDIATELY). They have sex once and suddenly it’s ‘baby’ this and “I love you” and “I’m coming with you forever.” The original love of his life was long forgotten. So, as you can imagine, even though these emotions are supposed to be important, they don’t feel very deep. Correction, they’re not deep. Nothing in the book is.

There also isn’t any character development or worldbuilding. I have no idea what the details of the werewolves’ physique, society, etc are. Heck, I’m not even sure if these are supposed to have always been wolfmen or four-legged wolves. There is some mention of ‘pure bloods,’ which presumably are more powerful than the standard wolf, maybe higher in a hierarchy but I don’t know for sure.

The writing itself was OK. There was a slight tendency to use names and titles in dialogue too often and the editing started to fall apart toward the end. But it was perfectly readable. It’s just that the story was shallow and pretty predictable.