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conduit

Book Review of Conduit, by Angie Martin

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ConduitAuthor, Angie Martin sent me an e-copy of her novel, Conduit. I’ve also seen it on the Amazon free list.

Description from Goodreads:
How do you hide from a killer when he’s in your mind?

Emily Monroe conceals her psychic gift from the world, but her abilities are much too strong to keep hidden from an equally gifted killer. A savvy private investigator, she discreetly uses her psychic prowess to solve cases. When the police ask her to assist on a new case, she learns the killer they seek is not only psychic, but is targeting her.

The killer wants more than to invade her mind; he wants her. Believing they are destined for each other, he uses his victims as conduits to communicate with her, and she hears their screams while they are tortured. She opens her minds to help the victims, but it gives him a portal that he uses to lure her to him. With the killer taking over her mind, she must somehow stop him before she becomes his next victim.

Review:
I have to admit that this book just didn’t work for me. It might for some readers, to each their own.

I have been trying to come up with the right word to describe this (and writing like it), because I encounter it a lot. Maybe someone knows and can help me out. We all recognize a Mary Sue and Gary Stu (sometime Marty Stu), but what do you call it when the whole book–plot, narrations, characters, etc all have a Mary Sue feel to them. Pat, maybe?

I actually have a litmus test for this, even if I don’t have a title for it. My test is hugging. But what could hugging have to do with anything, you might ask? Well, it has been my experience, in reading several hundred books a year for several years that when you encounter a book in which there is lots and lots of hugging the author is using this small action as a weak demonstration that the MC is an open, good person, makes meaningful connections with people, etc. Similarly, it shows how comfortable those people are with him/her (usually her). Now, I’m a bit of a hugger in real life, coming from the touchy-feely hippy family that I did. But I don’t hug my BFF, my ex-boyfriend, my friend’s uncle, his cop partner and the nurse who cares for my mother in the nursing home. More importantly, all those people don’t come up and hug me.

But it’s not just about hugging. The hugging is almost always accompanied by a certain innocent narrative tone, in which small things (like a hug) are made big deals of. It’s like a pearl-clad, mary jane wearing, pastel sporting teenager swooning over their first kiss while the married 40-year-old, with the kinky nightlife that’s forced to listen to it thinks, ‘God, it really just isn’t that big a thing.’ Any romance in these sorts of books are always heavily descriptive, possibly purple, and almost all tell as the narration beats the reader over the head with how awe-inspiring one person or the other is, how meaningful the small unimpressive events are, and how in looooooove they are.

The fact that this book falls within this pat(?) grouping is a guarantee that I’m not likely to enjoy it, as I almost never enjoy these books. But this book also annoyed me in other respects. I hated that as soon as Emily got together with Jake she let him start making all her decision. I didn’t like their insta-love and, even worse, their insta-relationship, which was only compounded by their insistence on waiting to have sex until their relationship was more established. I don’t know, ‘I’m ready to let you rule my life’ and ‘I’m ready to die for you’ seems pretty established to me.

I didn’t like that the author gave Emily a rich, high-power, nice guy ex, who was still madly in love with her, just to show she was a desirable commodity. I didn’t like that Emily had all this important information that she never shared with anyone. I didn’t like that she pulled the cliché, TSTL, ‘I’ll go off and save the day by myself and require rescue’ shtick a bagazillion other TSTL heroines have pulled. I didn’t like that the villain was the same old, seen it a 100 times, man obsessed with a woman he wants to own for no discernible reason. I didn’t like that people made un-followable intuitive leaps of logic that lead them to plot points. And I didn’t like the deus ex machina-like way the characters were easily able to learn just what they needed at just the right time to save the day. Too easy!

The one thing that saved this book for me was Leo and his wife. I adored their relationship. It really is a stand alone book. The editing seemed pretty clean, I don’t remember many cock-ups and to the right reader this might be a hit.

Stripped with the Vampire

Book Review of Stripped with the Vampire (Austin Immortals #1), by Jax Garren

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Stripped with the VampireI received a copy of Jax Garren‘s Stripped with the Vampire from Netgalley.

Description from Goodreads:
Shy vampire Charlie never intended to see Vince again after the bad boy human broke his heart. But when Vince turns up beaten and marked for sacrifice to an Aztec God, Charlie will do anything keep him safe.

Vince has never forgiven himself for the lie that ended things with Charlie. The spark between them is as hot as ever, and Vince would risk body and soul to make it a fire again. But as they hide deeper in Austin’s supernatural society—a world of lies, dark magic, and warring immortals—he finds the path to reconciliation more twisted than he’s ever imagined.

Review:
This is a hard book to review, because objectively I don’t think it was very good. It was campy, sappy, full of ‘love will conquer all’ tropes and repressed gay men stereotypes. But I still found myself enjoying it. This is especially true when I consider my enjoyment level next to my initial expectations given the book’s title. I’m sorry Jax Garren, but I think that title is a horridly unfortunate choice. It leads reader to believe this is going to be a cheap, plotless, possibly PWP book and even I, with my faint praise, have to admit it’s more than that.

To illustrate my inconsistent feelings on this book, let me drop a few contradictions. I thought it was funny, but I also thought the characters ability to joke and not freak the flip out unrealistic. I liked the characters in general, but I thought Vince’s inability stop baiting people in the presence of very real attempts on his life over played. I thought they were a cute couple, but thought Charlie’s reluctance after 300 years as a gay man were illogical and Vince’s unwillingness to make allowances for Charlie’s fears selfish. I thought the bad guys and battle were fairly epic, but who really catches the villain and then lets them go…twice? Honestly, for almost everything I liked, there was an opposite that annoyed me.

So, I’m putting this on my imaginary ‘smack in the middle of good/bad’ shelf. If you can get over the porn star title and read it for fluffy fun you might enjoy it.

On a side note: One of those characters on the cover is presumably Charlie…who should have red hair and freckles. I’m firmly of the belief that if you’re going to put a character on a book’s jacket, it needs to match that character. People notice these things.

Cronin's Key

Book Review of Cronin’s Key (Cronin’s Key #1), by N.R. Walker

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25112503I bought a copy of Cronin’s Key, by N. R. Walker.

Description from Goodreads:
NYPD Detective Alec MacAidan has always been good with weird. After all, his life has been a string of the unexplainable. But when an injured man gives him cryptic clues, then turns to dust in front of him, Alec’s view on weird is changed forever.

Cronin, a vampire Elder, has spent the last thousand years waiting for Alec. He’d been told his fated one would be a man wielding a shield, but he didn’t expect him to be human, and he certainly didn’t expect that shield to be a police badge.

Both men, strong-willed and stubborn, are still learning how to cope with the push and pull of being fated, when fate throws them another curveball.

Rumors have spread quickly of turmoil in Egypt. Covens are fleeing with news of a vampire who has a talent like no other, hell-bent on unleashing the wrath of Death.

Alec and Cronin are thrown into a world of weird Alec cannot imagine. What he learned in school of ancient pharaohs and Egyptian gods was far from the truth. Instead, he finds out firsthand that history isn’t always what it seems.

Review: (Spoilerish):

A lot of people love this book and I can see that if you’re one of those readers who like watching Gary Stus moon over each-other and constantly vocalize how in love and in awe they are of one another, you would. I am not one of those readers. In fact, I’m one of those people who will put up with a couple, “You are my heart” comments, maybe even a couple “You are amazing” ones when the person has basically done nothing of consequence. But 300+ pages of it makes me nauseous. And that’s what this book is…mostly.

The first 30% is one solid info dump. You could maybe break it into several smaller info dumps, but basically nothing beyond info dumping happens. Then, the next 50% of the book is just people talking, cracking jokes (that fell flat for me), trying unsuccessfully to flirt, and being in awe of one another. The last 30% does have a little action in it, but it left me lost.

For one, the whole plot is that a crazy vampire is created with the ability to bring back embalmed vampires and she does, creating an army. She’s the only one who has ever been able to. No one has even ever heard of the skill. BUT how do you suppose Alec saves the day? He brings an embalmed vampire back to life. Um…how does that work?

Further, we’re told that part of what makes Cronin so dangerous is that he can just jump (transport) in anywhere and stake you before you know he’s there. He did it to a hundred or so vampires on his way to the bad guy. So…why didn’t he just do that to the villain? Further still, that villain is depicted as shocked when they arrive in her chambers. Why? Surely she knows some vampires can leap. So, why would she never consider the possibility of anyone doing so? And why do Alec, Cronin and crew bother fighting through hundreds of undead when they can just leap in? So. Many. Plot. Holes.

That villain was a ridiculous cardboard cutout. We’re told about her but she’s never given any depth. She manages to raise a whole undead army, but doesn’t apparently have the brains of a freakin’ fruit fly. Plus, she’s crazy and evil because she suffered a sexual assault that was never investigated. Really, women are so fragile they’ll condemn the whole world to slaughter to avenge two men? It’s such a cheap attempt at character development (and trust me when I say it was the ONLY one).

Worst of all is that, while I know Alec is said to be fine with the weird, because weird things have always happened to him, his blasé reaction to everything was more than my credulity could bear. I simply couldn’t suspend my disbelief that far. Same with his father; he just accepted everything, no biggy. (Plus, he was basically a useless character. He contributed nothing to the plot.)

Then there is the writing itself. It was passable and there weren’t too many typos, but it uses terms like “good vampire” and “bad vampire” seriously and that is just soooo cheesy. Plus, names, titles and endearments were occasionally used too often to be natural sounding.

Lastly, the sex was about as exciting as plain, non-fat yogurt. They put off sex until the end of the book, so there are a couple teaser type scenes that are about as erotic as turnips before the big event. But that big event…almost no foreplay or sexual tension and the men climaxed on entry! So, the whole thing lasts like two paragraphs. It felt very much like the author was uncomfortable writing sex scenes and then just fluffed them.

So, if you’re into vanilla vampires and Gary Stu love affairs you’ll probably enjoy this book. If you’re looking for action or mystery or romantic development, this is not the book for you (or me).

Edit: I’ve decided to add links when I get flack about my reviews. I usually have a pretty thick skin for this sort of thing. But this comment is actually from an author who I own several of her books and I’m now reluctant to read them. I mean, if she is this reactive about a review of someone else’s book, how might she react if I read hers and give it a poor review?