Category Archives: Challenges

Book Review of Bacchus (Phantom Warriors #1), by Jordan Summers

BacchusI grabbed a copy of Jordan Summers‘ erotic sci-fi novel, Bacchus, from the Amazon free list. At the time of posting, it was still free.

Description from Goodreads:
Bacchus is a desperate Phantom warrior. Saddled with the quest to find a sexually compatible female race for his people, he stows away on a ship bound for planet Earth. There he discovers a world teeming with women, but there’s only one way to determine if any of them are a biological match. He must pick one and mate with her. Sex sounds easy enough or it would be, if Bacchus weren’t from the Blood Clan. Where on Earth can he find a woman who doesn’t freak out at the sight of three-inch fangs?

Dog breeder Carrie Rittner has had a rough year. Between a broken engagement and her emotionally distant brother, Buzz, she’s ready to throw in the towel. The last thing she needs is a sexy ‘psychiatrist’ trying to charm her pants off.

It’ll take more than Bacchus’ chemically charged pheromones, dominant nature and forked tongue to convince Carrie that they’re made for each other. He will have to release all his animal instincts and give her the ultimate love bite.

Review:
Ah man, it took me forever to choose a book to read. Nothing struck my fancy. I’d had a hum-dinger of a day and was feeling the lingering after-effects of a torrential crying jag. I was emotionally wrung out, both physically and psychologically—the puffy eyes, the sniffly nose, the hollow, washed out sensation left in the wake of the intense flood of adrenaline (or whatever) that drives an angry, hurt, psychic upheaval.

This is where I was when I tried to pick out a book to read and nothing seemed to appeal. I finally settled on this one because it looked ridiculous enough to drag a chuckle out of me and, failing that, maybe a little hot sex would improve my mood. (Certainly, it would have in real life, if only hubs hadn’t been the focal point of the problem in the first place.) It should be noted, of course, that I didn’t go in expecting serious and high brow literature, which is good because I sure didn’t get it.

Even starting this book with no more expectations than to get to laugh at the always pleasantly cheesy ‘Mars Needs Women’ trope I wasn’t satisfied with this read. Ok, yes, it had all the elements and some of them were presented in such a flat way as to be funny. (You know, like when someone says something patently ludicrous with a straight face.) But there was just no depth to anything in this book. And, again, I’m saying that even having opened it not expecting much.

For example, and this is a bit of a spoiler, so be warned: Bacchus arrives on a ship bound for earth (so his planet already has access to earth, so no idea why he’s the first to mate an earth women and why he has to sneak to do it), he randomly chooses a man on the beach to absorb his memories so he can understand earth customs. He then falls in love with the memories of this random man’s sister. He then goes to her house, looks in the window and falls into insta-mating-lust, he meets her and within about 2-3 hours they’re in bed, he’s imprinted his DNA into her and they’re off to his home world. Once there, since she was a herpetologist on earth she was able to immediately become the clan healer.

Seriously, on a planet of 7+ billion people (assuming there hasn’t been a population increase) and a galaxy of who knows how many he meets his destined, biological mate through the first human he interacts with! And, am really to believe that space fairing, blood-dependent, bipedal, humanoid aliens with minor snake-like characteristics are actually closer to reptile than human and there are so few differences that no one on their original home-world was better suited to fill the healer role than a non-practicing earth herpetologist? WTF?

So I didn’t get any fun searching for his mate scenes or getting to know that mate ones either. Just BAM, there she is. And the mating included as transfer of memories, so no need to get to know one another either.

Sex was just as abortive. His pheromones made her pliant and aroused, so no need for for-play (despite his massive cock, apparently). It was basically, stick it in and slam it home, BAM, we’re done here.

Then there were all the just plain creepy things that happen. He spies on her through her windows, then slips into her house and watches her undress and shower. Creeeeepeer. Then he used his pheromones to make her willing, remaining just this side of dub-con based on his intent and wish to have her come willingly. And come on, getting aroused over watching two dogs mate is just weird.

So, I was looking for a fun, cheesy, erotic sci-fi romp. This had the cheese, but failed on just about every other front. Writing was passable; editing could use a little work.

Chance in hell kampman

Book Review of Chance in Hell (Chance Lee #1), by Patrick Kampman

Chance in HellI downloaded a copy of Patrick Kampman’s Chance in Hell in October of 2012, from the Amazon free list. Thus, it qualifies for my TBR reading challenge, in which I’m trying to read books I’ve owned for two years or more.

Description from Goodreads:
Chance is a Texan vampire hunter until a botched raid kills his team and sends him running for his life. Looking for a place to lie low, Chance takes what looks like an easy job in California. Dispose of a mysterious object. No vampires involved. But Chance’s life is never that simple.

Within hours of reaching the West coast, his contact is murdered and Chance is left holding the key to a demonic weapon of mass destruction. To make matters worse, the weapon was stolen from the ruthless head of a multi-national corporation who will do anything to get it back.

With supernatural hit men on his heels, Chance has no choice but to turn to the creatures he once hunted. Soon he’s neck deep in otherworldly seductresses, rival werewolf gangs, ravenous witches, and dysfunctional vampires. His only hope is to gain their trust, and their help, before all Hell breaks loose. 

Review:
Hmm, not bad…ok, I suppose. This is yet another book that was entertaining enough to read but contains nothing spectacular. It’s funny. I’ll give it that. And Chance seems like a nice, honorable guy. I respect that. The writing is pretty good and nothing about the editing threw me off. So, on the whole it was all right.

But it’s a bro-book; not that that’s necessarily a bad thing. I don’t just mean all the car, motorcycle and gun specs, or even all the ‘this is how you flatter a girl’ nonsense (a good bit of which is wrong, from a female’s point of view, BTW) but much of the actual humor and all of the romance is geared toward guys. Again, that’s fine. Men deserve books too.

But I have to confess that, while some sexual innuendo can be fun, this book is drowning in it. Add to that a diarrhea-mouth, 17-year-old ‘player’ who constantly hits on anything that walks and what you end up with is a ceaseless barrage of frankly juvenile jokes. Scaled back it could have been great, I thought it was really funny in the beginning. By the end, it had lost all of its lustre.

And the ‘romance’ was just as bad. Essentially, two ultra-sexy, powerful, possessive, competitive alpha-type females lay claim to Chance practically on sight ad then throw themselves at him. Isn’t that every man’s fantasy? No need to work for it. Plus, he seems to have a decided preference for one, so I never could figure out why he strung the second along (and according to the synopsis of book two, continues to throughout the series).

There is very little world-building or character development. I never felt Chance’s history as a hunter. He felt too much like an average college student to have also been a hardened hunter. And you learn none of the other characters’ history.

Plus, the whole ‘this is a dangerous artifact that I can’t give the bad guy’ is all just stated and not really supported in any way, so that it feels very random. A lot of people put their lives on the line for something no one seemed to need to verify. I honestly thought the plot twist at the end might turn out to be that the urn was actually empty the whole time and every one had just jumped to unfounded conclusions. This all left the book feeling shallow and a bit like a gloss.

All-in-all, an ok book that I didn’t hate but didn’t love either.

A Hidden Magic

Book Review of A Hidden Magic (Sentinels #1), by Angela Benedetti

A Hidden MagicI got a copy of Angela Benedetti‘s A Hidden Magic when it was available as a Christmas freebie from the publisher.

Description from Goodreads:
Fey incursions into the mortal world have been on the rise, and Paul MacAllister’s trying to figure out what the king of the local Elven enclave Under the Hill is up to and how to stop it. Rory Ellison was caught up in one of those attacks and nearly killed by a gang of goblins. He doesn’t believe they were real, though, and is resisting anything Paul might say to the contrary. 

Normally Paul would be willing to let Rory go his own way, at least until he’s taken care of more immediate business. But Rory has a particularly rare gift, one the Elven king needs to have under his control in order to carry out his plan. Keeping Rory away from the fey who will use him, to death if necessary, means protecting him night and day, whether Rory agrees or not.

Review:
This was only ok. Having said that…it was ok, which is not to say bad. The book was ok. The writing was fine. The editing was fine. The characters were likeable…all ok. But I still wasn’t blown away by it.

The issue I finished the book with is that nothing of any significance happens in it. It’s not that nothing happens—they put this fire out, put that fire out, defend against this attack, someone gets kidnapped and retrieved, things happen—but nothing of significance happens, nothing that would qualify as a broad, over-arching plot beyond two men meet amongst all this other stuff and kinda like each-other. As a result, I was never grabbed by the book. I liked it ok, but was never hugely invested in it.

Similarly, I liked the characters (the main ones and the side ones) but the reader never gets to know them. There isn’t a lot of character development and they remain shallow throughout the book. Again, I never felt invested in them.

Roughly, the same could be said for world building. All only ok. So, while not a bad book, by any means, also not a great book. It served it’s purpose of entertaining me for a few hours, but not a lot more.